I bet if I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, you'd have a concrete answer. (Even if the answer is "Black coffee" or "Didn't have time.")

But how about if I ask you to recall something arguably more important than a single morning meal? Let's see how you fare:

In what specific way did you make your partner feel important today? Hmmm?

You didn't think of it? Okay, one missed opportunity might not be a big deal. How did you make your significant other feel special yesterday? What's that? You were too busy. I totally understand--when the work day ends, you have to juggle the kids' itineraries: soccer, music lessons, math tutor. Not to mention putting food on the table. Gotcha.

So reach back into the recesses of your memory. What did you do to openly communicate how important your partner or spouse is to you last week? Last month?

I'm sure you get my point. But it's a point that needs stating anyway, since it applies to each and every one of us:

Your marriage or relationship needs continual nurturing in order to remain healthy.

Gardening is an apropos analogy: consistent care (watering, weeding and pruning) is needed for your garden to flourish. Can you imagine what your rose garden would look like after ignoring it for several weeks?

Formula for Love and Intimacy

One of the most effective ways to keep love and deepen intimacy is to find ways to make your spouse or partner feel cared for and important.

You and your partner + messages of appreciation = Lasting Love

Here's the best part: you can make your partner feel important in as little time as it takes to comb your hair.

Typically, when we talk to our mates, we tend to focus on the things that have to be done. ( "Are you picking Tobey up from karate, or am I?" "Did you mail the mortgage payment?") And in general, we also naturally tend to point out things that need fixing. ( "Waiter, I asked for the hollandaise on the side…my eggs are drowning in it.") But how often do we take the tiny amount of time to regularly articulate the things that work?

All to often, when things are running smoothly, we begin to neglect what works in our marriages or relationships. The cost of this neglect: you and your partner begin to feel unappreciated, emotional intimacy between you dwindles, sex becomes rote and mechanical. People often rationalize that it isn't so bad living in a chronic state of disconnection from their loved one (after all, most of the couples you know don't seem happy either). Some look to people outside of the relationship to make them feel special and appreciated. It shouldn't be this way. And it doesn't have to.

Change patterns of love-neglect

Keep this simple. In fact, the simpler the better. The goal is to be consistent and make it last. (And most people, no matter how busy, can wedge simple, easy tasks into their routines.) Start with small, loving and supportive statements. Here are few areas to focus on in your marriage or relationship:

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