1. ASK YOUR KIDS QUESTIONS. Who is going to be there? Where are the parents? Is this a boy/girl situation? What's the occasion? Will there be drinking or drugging there? (That last one is a bit blunt but it's a good idea to teach your kids how to be direct and blunt too!)

2. CALL THE OTHER PARENTS. Get ready, you're going to be both loved and hated at the same time. Other parents may not appreciate the fact that you would question them about this while other parents will be very appreciative of your inquiry.

3. SAY NO. If you have any suspicions that something is amiss, it probably is. If you don't get the answer you wanted to hear out of your teenager or the parents you're quizzing, then it's time to muster up your adult courage and say "Nope! This isn't happening tonight, we've got to find some options!" Then, find an alternative and sponsor it yourself. "You can't go to the party but I'll be glad to give you and three of your friends tickets to the movies, bowling, roller skating, etc." Offer to make a big batch of their favorite snacks and rent a few movies at your house. Get creative but get real. Saying no gets harder and harder as your child gets more independent.

When your kids accuse you of not trusting them, let them know it is not a matter of trust when it comes to the power of drugs and alcohol, it's a matter of facts. People do stupid things under the influence and as a parent you know the facts.

Even though you may trust your child, you cannot trust people you don't know or the persuasive power of "group think" when there's other influences like peer pressure and booze pressure. By the way, parents also face an awful lot of peer pressure. They want to be "cool parents" for their kids and they don't want to be the "prudes" down the street.

4. SAY YES. If you are comfortable that things are safe then go ahead and give your blessings. And, let your child know there are times when she has to call you and check in regardless of what the event is. Good times to check in are when they arrive, just before they leave to come home, just before bedtime (if a sleepover), etc.

If they forget to call then you call them. If they don't answer their cell phone you might be a little suspicious. It's a good idea to just make it a very simple rule. When your teen is away from home and you call, they better answer the phone. Of course, if your teen is in a movie theater and can't pick up the phone or dial you they can call back when it's over. If your kids get a little paranoid that you're checking up on them then that's not a bad thing.

Keep talking to other parents and make sure you let those who call you know how much you appreciate their concern. Make a pact with other parents whenever you can to check in with each other and compare notes.

5. PREPARE FOR SCREW UPS. If your teenage blows it and makes a mistake it's important to have a plan. If he gets behind the wheel of a car and he's afraid to call you or a cab then everyone is in real danger. Start repeating this over and over to your teen. No matter when, where, or under what circumstances it happens, if you make a mistake and get into a situation where there are drugs or drinking, your parents will always come and get you anytime, anywhere with no questions asked.

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