To tell the truth, regardless of what your ex did or neglected to do, it's impossible to "get them." Wisdom and the laws of the universe will do that. You're certainly not going to physically harm them or kill them. You're not going to make it go away, and you're not going to make it right. They most certainly did what they did because of their own flaws and weaknesses. Remember George on Seinfeld, when he tells a women he was breaking up with, "It's not you; it's me?" He was right! If your husband or wife dumped you, it really is them. That's not to say you're perfect, and I would encourage you to learn as much as you can about yourself. But if you were one of the dumpees, there is a logical explanation for it, and it's about them, not you. That may not make you feel any better, but they thought they had a good reason. They probably even thought they had to do it. It was more than just a desire; it was necessary for them.

First you have to understand why. Why did they break your heart? Why did they leave you? Why did they cause the divorce? Just for a moment, put aside your judgment, suspend any thoughts of blame. Cut through all the clutter and just look for the answer to why. The answer may not be rational. It may not be logical. It probably won't make sense. That's ok. You're just looking for the answer to "Why?"

Is it because they weren't satisfied with you? Were you a substantial provider? Or you weren't funny enough? Remember, the answer to why they left probably doesn't make sense, and you just want to get to the answer. Unfortunately, many people make decisions based on emotion and not logic. They make decisions based on emotions.

There's another part to this that makes it even stronger. It's faith. You need to develop faith that things really do work out. You may not be able to see how it's going to work out from where you're standing right now, but that doesn't mean that it won't work out. There really is a bigger picture that we don't see. The more you develop faith, the more you will see things working out for you and your family. The more you stop trying to control everything in your life, the more you will find that your life makes sense and the more you will see the pattern. All this will foster happy kids, making you an effective and successful parent.

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