It won’t be the first time you’ve heard that confidence is a quality that many find attractive, however do you find that despite knowing that you need it, you don’t seem to have it? Not to be confused with acting in an egotistical or pampas way, confidence usually stems from being comfortable and happy with who you are and where you are in your life. It may seem ridiculously like an advertising campaign: others will like me if I like myself, but for the most part it’s true.

Q: Why is it that people respond so well to those who have a healthy, confidant attitude? A: One of the biggest turn-offs in a relationship is a person that walks into it with a giant heap of problems. Now this is not to say that every person doesn’t have their own issues, flaws if you will, that they are working on, perhaps even for their entire life; a confident person however, gives the impression that they have these flaws under control. People who enter into a relationship often expect to endure a variety of struggles during the time that they are together, but to be completely responsible for both you and your partners’ flaws is an unreasonable expectation. To exude a certain amount of strength by having a more confident attitude you let the person you’re interested in know that not only are you a quality person who they would be lucky to be with, but also that you have your life in order and by joining those lives together you both have a great chance at making a success of your relationship.

Signs of Confidence

• People who have no trouble, and often want, a little time to themselves. Enjoying activities or pursuing hobbies of one’s own liking is an important part of being confident, and it says clearly to others: I like who I am. Acting too needy or desperate is always a bad sign, usually it stems from being unhappy with an aspect of one’s own life and choosing to hide from that problem(s) by relying on the company of others. More often than not the company kept by those who feel insecure about their own life leaves much to be desired; overly aggressive or controlling friends are usually a good sign of insecurity.

• The ability to laugh at one’s own flaws. Not advertising the problems that one may have in the beginning of a relationship is normal, obviously most people want to express their best qualities; however if those flaws should come up in one way or another a good sign is person who is able to laugh about it. Some flaws are aspects of one’s personality that can be changed, others must simply be accepted. Knowing one’s own limitations, and not holding a grudge against anyone (including oneself) is a quality that can make flaws easily overlooked and at times even endearing.

• The ability to be open and honest with others. When people avoid certain subjects or have difficulty with them the people around them are often left to assume that not only does that person have unresolved issues, but that those issues are not being dealt with. New relationships may not often include break through discussions about very personal matters, however a lack of openness indicates that a person is hiding something or is not comfortable working out issues, this often leaves prospective partners uncomfortable and a little wary. Remember that while it is reasonable, even expected, to withhold parts of your life from others, especially in new relationships, to avoid any open discussion is to exclude that person from getting to know you and leaves that person wondering: Why doesn’t this person want me to know about their life?

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