If approaching thousands of women over the past few years has taught me anything, it has taught me to learn to deal with my emotions.

Before doing pickup, I lived in a binary world. I was either intensely into a girl or she was intensely into me. Reaching any kind of equilibrium seemed hopelessly impossible, like the first two cards of a house of cards, gently trying to rest upon each other–and constantly failing.

As I approached more women I didn't know, I came face to face with my fear. I encountered far more "rejection" in a single week than I encountered in my entire life previously. Instead of running, I learned to feel those feelings and accept them for what they were. It has helped me immensely in relationships.

I can now sense when I am focusing too much attention on a girl and not enough on myself. But instead of feeling hopelessly out of control, I can accept those emotions and do something with them.

Perhaps refocusing attention on myself involves positive affirmations.

Or dating other people.

Or just stepping back from someone I care about and letting her show some affection for me.

Or perhaps it involves opening up to her and sharing with her how I feel, showing her how vulnerable I am and seeing if she can go there with me.

I used to fantasize about the perfect person. And I still do. I want that perfect Disney ending where we walk off into the sunset, hopelessly in love with each other forever.

But I know that this is a fantasy. I know that relationships take work, as much work maintaining myself as it does showing affection and appreciation for the other person.

All my gifts and talents and intelligence are for not if I can’t open my heart, as a man, and feel what I want to feel. Whether it’s a momentary interaction or the person I spend the rest of my life with, I know the journey will be as much about finding myself as it is finding the other person.

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