Unfortunately, domestic violence is very much alive and well -- and thriving. According to the National Victims Center, one woman is raped every minute, and 30% of all women murdered in this country are murdered by their boyfriends or husbands.

Domestic violence is a particularly grim topic and a vicious crime, because it involves pain and suffering (even loss of life) inflicted by a friend, someone who claims to care, or a so-called loved one.

Many people ask, "Why don't the victims just leave? Why do they stay?"

The Abuse We Don't See

Usually by the time the physical abuse starts in a relationship, the emotional and psychological abuse has already destroyed all the dignity and self-esteem of the victim.

Victims feel ashamed and are embarrassed to tell others about their situations. They are fearful of leaving because of threats from their abusers and financial dependence.

In many instances, victims are manipulated to believe they deserve this treatment and it is somehow their fault. Abusers know exactly what to say and do to keep the abused in emotional captivity.

Victimizing the Victim

Victims view leaving as being more painful than staying, because of the imagined and real repercussions either from the perpetrator or from society at large.

Many people in the world still don't understand domestic violence. Therefore, they victimize the victim further by blaming the victim or making comments like: "You should have just left." "I would never be so stupid as to stay in an abusive relationship." "That would never happen to me."

People make jokes in our society about men "getting over" or using women -- men who are " Players." Even today, there are still groups of people who have the mindset that women are not equal to men and are just sexual objects.

Control

Domestic violence is about control -- being mentally controlled by a significant other. That is the reason why, after leaving an abusive relationship, a victim will go back to her abuser an average of four times before she decides she has the mental strength to leave for good.

Now What?

I believe the remedy for domestic violence lies in building a society in which we honor ourselves. When we honor ourselves, it is difficult to dishonor someone else or to be dishonored. Yeah, easier said than done.

We can start with our children and try to stop domestic violence by educating the new generations.

Teach Our Children

Tell our children how wonderful they are. Tell our girls and our boys from the time they are born that they are glorious miracles. Teach them to love, respect, and celebrate who they are -- just because. Teach them that we all come from one wonderful source. Teach them that each of us can only be as strong as the weakest among us.

Teach our children how to honor by honoring them. Teach our children how to respect themselves by respecting them and respecting ourselves. Teach our children that to love someone -- being in love -- is to encourage each other to be free and to support each other in expressing and exploring all of the wonderful possibilities in life.

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