It sounds trivial, and yet these little steps were my daily leaps forward. Progress was measured some days by how long it had been since I’d cried. Was it silly to drive down the road and suddenly hear a song that made you cry? Not because it was "your" song, but because the poignant lyrics poked at something hurting inside.

My first date in twenty plus years felt as foreign as if I was cheating on my husband. How do you pick up the pieces of a life gone awry, where it feels like you’re a stranger in your own world? Where does loneliness end and desperation take over? How do you control the craving for human attention and affection? Many days I had questions and no answers.

The first wedding anniversary, birthday, holiday, Valentines day and the first anniversary of his death I told myself I was okay, these were merely days on a calendar. I lied to myself and on bright sunny days I walked into our woods and cried. Even with the sun’s warmth on my face, I felt an emotional mess. The biggest sustaining factor in my life was my kids. I knew they needed me as they faced their own "firsts" without their father in their lives.

Gradually, time, healing and loved ones’ support made all the "firsts" bearable. Four years down the road, I realize I’ve successfully jumped many hurdles. It had not always been with perfect execution, but with overall strength and dignity. I’ve come into my own power once more as I applaud my accomplishments big and small.

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