There is no relationship that can breed more frustration and unhappiness than a relationship where one of the partners is an alcoholic. Such a relationship will be marked by constant arguments, financial turmoil, emotional blackmail and even physical abuse. It is a relationship where one partner is always at the receiving end, and lives on the hope that the addict will kick the habit one day.

What to expect in such relationships

These relationships can only bring unhappiness. There is bound to be loneliness, despair, and at times rage at what the addict is doing. There will also be constant confrontations. But these confrontations instead of driving the couple apart, often unite them.

This happens because of the helplessness displayed by addicts. The addicts break down at such confrontations pleading helplessness and beg support. They also make promises of moving away from the addiction, and never to hit the bottle again. It is this helplessness that pushes the other partner to provide the necessary emotional support. Unfortunately, this cycle of support-confrontation-support keeps getting vicious and vicious only.

Why can’t individuals break out of such cycles

Most would think that there is enough reason for a suffering mate to walk out of such a relationship. But this does not always happen. The partners invariably find a reason to stay on. This may be on account of fear of a future without financial security, an obsessive love for the mate, a fear of public disapproval or the need to keep the family together.

Sometimes the partners convince themselves that without them the addict will die. They therefore avoid doing anything that may hurt the addict. Some even convince themselves, that they alone can help the addict give up the bottle.

Whatever the reason, the partners convince themselves that they need to stay on, and that everything will be fine one day. The addicts make full use of such prevarication, and indulge in more emotional blackmail, and subtle arm-twisting.

How to identify if you are such a person

You are in danger of entering into such a relationship if you show the following characteristics:

1. You refuse to end the relationship even though you know that the relationship is bad for you, your career and your personal life. 2. You find reasons for sustaining the relationship even though you know that your logic is convoluted. 3. The thought of breaking the relationship throws you in a state of confusion, even panic, and you cling on, even more strongly, to it. 4. You suffer physical discomfort when you try to move to a place where your mate can’t reach you, and you yearn to get back to him.

What should you do to save the relationship

You first need to strengthen yourself. In this quest, you should not allow your morals or principles to weaken your resolve. Be ruthless in dealing with the addict. Treat addiction as a disease that needs to be cured. Don’t give in to emotional blackmail because then you will only end up feeding the disease.

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