Corinne Gregory, SocialSmarts™ May 19, 2008

Unless you’ve been living in a cave recently, you are certainly all too aware of the horrific images of violent school-based incidents constantly playing in every possible media outlet. Teens luring a cheerleader classmate to a home and beating her repeatedly while the video camera rolls; a teacher being assaulted in her classroom by students; a high-schooler throwing a metal chair at another in class knocking the victim unconscious; a 13-year middle schooler who admits that he planned to shoot up his school because he was being bullied.

But what is even more worrisome than these events is that they are occurring in children that are increasingly younger in age! Just a few weeks ago, third graders were caught planning to blow up their school, and children as young as kindergarten are harassed, abused, and tormented. This epidemic also doesn’t discriminate: girls are just as likely to be involved as boys, and it crosses all socio-economic and cultural boundaries. When our children today, on average, stand a one-in-four chance to being victims of school-based violence before they reach high-school, we parents need to do something to help our children survive the war zones our classrooms and schoolyards have become.

First, ask why? Before we can find effective solutions to the problem, we have to ask ourselves why it exists in the first place. While many people jump to place blame on divided households, families with multiple workers outside the home, cultural differences, de-emphasis on religion, socio-economic inequity and more, none of these "causes" really address the underlying problem. For whatever reason, our kids are not coming to school – or to life – equipped with the social skills and character development that enables them to successfully navigate life’s challenges. Many children today exist in a purely self-centered universe where they believe they are somehow entitled to "their fair share" and more, and that if it’s ok with them, it should be fine for the rest of the world.

Babies are born being completely ego-centric little beings, and they must be so at first in order to survive. But, as they grow, children need to learn that although they are the apples of their parents’ eyes, the sun doesn’t quite rise and set by them; there are other people in the world who are just as deserving of attention, care, and consideration as they are. The popular practice over the last decade or so that has parents abandoning boundaries and rules in order to foster their child’s self-esteem has actually back-fired. Over time, children need to learn that it is important, sometimes critical, to put the needs and desires of others first before their own whims and wants.

"Treat others the way you want them to treat you," also sometimes referred to as The Golden Rule, is the cornerstone of every good social skill, courteous behavior, and positive character element. While many people think these things are just "good manners," in reality good social skills are much more.

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