More than Just Manners While having decent manners are important, you have to understand that "manners" really refers primarily to outward behaviors. But, to truly be successful in our personal interactions with others, we have to be sure that our intentions for those behaviors are in line with our actions. If we only "act" a specific way when it benefits us, – for example, by complimenting a boss we really can’t stand – we can be someone with perfectly proper behavior, yet still be a proper jerk. When we are truly motivated to be courteous and gracious to someone because we respect them and care about them as people, our entire demeanor conveys that we are a person of decent moral character as well as showing good conduct.

For our kids, these skills are not just a "nice to have," an add-on we "train" them in as we have time. Repeated studies show that good social skills are the primary factor in a child’s future success, and are possibly even more important than popular factors such as education, socio-economic background, or the "who you know" network combined. Think about it: it doesn’t matter how smart you are or where you come from, if you can’t get along with others, how successful do you think you’ll really be?

And their Lives May Depend on It! Truly, the ability to successfully share space and interact with others is becoming a lost art. When popular media and mass marketing continually touts that "it’s all about you," how do we operate as a community and not as disjointed islands of humanity? While we preach "political correctness," the reality is that we tend to focus over-much on differences and not similarities. The buzzword of the day is "tolerance," and not "acceptance." Is it a wonder that we stand so often as "us against them?"

It is critical that we help our children learn to be a little more understanding, a little more patient, and a lot more compassionate with the people around them. Maybe if we teach them that sometimes the best course of action during a disagreement is to simply admit there is no common ground and to walk away, we wouldn’t need so many counselors, mediators…and downstream, legal defense! If we became better at moderating our words and actions, we could avoid a conflict before it even got to that point. Maybe our children would realize that it’s NOT OK to lure someone into a house and beat them up on camera to "get even" for a snarky remark posted on the Internet? Even better, maybe they’d even appreciate that the snarky remark is often best kept to oneself.

It’s not a lost cause – YET. If enough people return to a way of thinking that emphasizes positive behavior and positive thinking, we can make a difference in our families, our schools, our communities. We have an opportunity to make this a kinder, gentler world for our kids and their kids to grow up in. Maybe one in which 25% aren’t headed to be a statistic. I think we owe them that. Teach them the three R’s (Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmetic) and then add those extras Rs --Respect, Responsibility, Reliability, -- then we really have done everything we can to give them wings and set them free to be successful people ushering in the next generation.

Copyright © 2008, The PoliteChild. All rights reserved. Corinne Gregory is a freelance writer and editor, creator of the SocialSmarts™ program from The PoliteChild®, and a mother of three. She welcomes all comments and can be reached at corinneg@politechild.com. More information can be found on the company’s website at www.socialsmarts.com or www.politechild.com.

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