Divorce and the Family

For those who have never been involved in divorce, or for those who have brushed past it but never quite understood the intensity. Divorce is one big tangle that never really unravels. Five years on from a divorce, the parents are still surviving, although remaining bitter. The children are still shell shocked.

As adults we all can handle the tangle, but the children are not mature enough to comprehend the frustration, and what appears at times, to be the 'lack of love'. This confusion carries on into their early adulthood. There are two particularly common side effects that happen as a consequence of splitting up; one is dyslexia, and the other is wetting the bed.

Although this observation within a marriage breakup sounds harsh for the children, there is no suggestion that a family should stick together for the sake of the children. This option may seem feasible and many have weathered the storm, but a different type of problem is created; a different type of confusion. The children will see a life without the comfort of love and as a consequence could reach adulthood with no expectancy of forming a relationship.

Love is what makes the world go around, without it your children will grow up living a sheltered and unfulfilled life. We cannot bring a child into a family and allow them to see two parents fighting and arguing all of the time.

Financial Issues in Family matters

Finance in separation and divorce is complicated; who owns which debt, who owns which car and who owns which property. Untangling finances is one of the most difficult aspects of ending a long term relationship or marriage. You could find yourself dividing savings, splitting the furniture; and on top of all that paying out maintenance to your other half. Maintenance incidentally can be claimed from either the male or female after the breakup.

According to lawyers it is generally the woman who comes out on top. This is either when an agreement is reached by two legal representatives, or if it necessary, when the couple have needed to go to court.

Often overlooked initially, in the heat of separation, the finances become a big issue. What in theory would be ideal, is that the couple sell everything, pay all outstanding bills, and then equally divide. But along with the theory comes the impracticalities of each parent finding somewhere else to live, the furniture, valuables, bank balances, secret stashes of cash and memorabilia from both childhood and parents.

One amusing but real example was when a separated couple had no legal representative as the adults thought they could sort it out themselves. The male partner had gone back 'up north' to his parents and asked if his ex-partner could sell the BMW and send him half the money. She sent him a payment for £5... Rather than sell it for a realistic price, she sold it for £10, got a receipt, then halved the total received and sent it to her ex-partner.

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