There was also the time when the other cat I lived with bit her throat and it got infected. She had to be rushed to the vet for emergency surgery. At this point the vet discovered her jay was also broken, and it was an old break. She then had her jaw wire enforced.

About a year later I noticed something kind of off about the way Smooshie looked. It was as if she was telling me something. Again, I took her to the vet. The vet discovered lumps in her breast and recommended a biopsy. The results of the biopsy confirmed cancer. I was told that I could elect to have another surgery for Smooshie, but the chances of the cancer coming back were about 99%. I was also told this cancer was common in female cats that were not spayed in their first couple years of life.

Smooshie had been through a lot, and I decided to allow her to live as long as she wanted to without subjecting her to a battery of surgeries. After another five months Smooshie was not doing well. Her once beautiful coat looked battered. She had lost weight and stopped eating. I knew it was time, but I waited a couple more days somehow hoping she would get better. I loved Smooshie, and it was painful to let her go. She taught me so much.

One: Smooshie had been there for me when I was not there for myself.

Two: She did not judge me when I judged myself.

Three: She allowed herself to have fun whenever she got the chance.

Four: She had no difficulty speaking her mind.

Five: She was quick to forgive when upset.

Now it was time for her final lesson. Both my wife and I took her to the vet in the morning. Routinely, she fussed about being in the carrier on the way to the vet. On this occasion we opened the door to her, and allowed her out if she pleased. Once in the vet we were ask the difficult question of whether or not we wanted to be in the same room when she was euphonized.

We decided to stay in the room. I also deiced to hold her as she was being put to sleep. This part was difficult, and as difficult as this was I knew that is what she wanted. Smooshie was sitting in my lap looking like a ghost of the cat she once was. She looked at me as if to tell me it was ok. She was ready to go, and her body no longer worked in this world. I still had difficulty letting go.

I did not want to see things end like this, and I had no control. It was my turn to show her unconditional love and support. It was my turn to allow Smooshie to act however she wanted without resistance. It was my turn to be there for her no matter what the circumstance.

The vet injected her and within a matter of seconds she was gone. Her diseased looking coat lay down and looked just as beautiful as the day I met her. Her eyes closed and she looked to be in the most peaceful of sleeps. I wanted to hold her until she woke up, but I knew that would not be. She was no longer in pain, and she no longer suffered. I knew she was grateful to leave this world in my loving arms, and I was grateful to be able to be with her as she peacefully left.

The most important thing Smooshie reminded me is to respect life. Enjoy life. Life is a gift, and she was letting me know I would be much happier if I realized how much a gift life is NOW rather then as I exit this world. Thank you Smooshie!

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