I’m With Stupid, But I’m All Alone!

A politician’s self-evaluation.

I am a politician. I have learned a few things about myself during my self-evaluation. Here are a FEW things I have learned about myself after thinking about it for a while.

-I vote for bills that I have not read.

-I have my pages and secretaries read my bills for me and translate them to me.

-I do not vote with my beliefs, as I really do not have any of my own.

-I cannot make a decision, cast a vote, or answer any questions about any issue without checking with my party first.

-I vote for all of the pork I can get away with to buy votes.

-I know people will blindly follow me, no matter what I do, because of the D or R following my name at the ballot box.

-I know the average American will never know how I voted on issues.

-I believe America should never fight for ANYTHING unless it ends quickly and no one gets hurt, especially the enemy.

-I believe America is a great country because of our government, not because of great people or freedoms.

-I will vote for anything, in any way necessary, to go along with the party line, no matter what my personal beliefs are.

-I choose my beliefs based on polls.

-I may have voted for something last year, but this year I will be against it, because it is election time and I want those votes.

-I take all of the perks I can.

-I believe a budget shows what money HAS to be spent. If there is a surplus, we will repave a road that does not need it.

-I believe purchases should be made with no logical decision about whether the price is right, as long as one of my constituents gets paid.

-I believe the rights of a few tree frogs are more important than the well being of people.

-I believe if ten people are offended by something then millions of others will have to change their lives to accommodate the wishes of those few.

-I believe it is better for me to spend time on renaming projects than to address more important issues facing America.

-I believe I do not need to show up for votes.

-I believe it is OK to accuse other politicians of wrongdoing in attempt to get a perjury conviction if they do not tell me what I want to hear.

-I believe all people have to be reliant on government so that I can stay in power.

-I believe over 50 percent of the population should not have to pay any taxes. This will allow me to cater to them so that I will never lose power again.

-I believe in Socialism because it will get me more power, especially in schools and healthcare.

-I believe if we have nothing to do while in Congress we should make laws just to act like we accomplished something, no matter how silly the law is.

-I believe if a vote did not go my way then someone cheated, lied, or the machines were wrong, not that I possibly could have been the worse candidate.

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