Here are some common parenting mistakes from parents' own behavior - our children have enormous capacity for growth and learning and absorb from us what we teach through our actions, thinking, words, and attitudes

Many parenting mistakes are the result of not taking enough care with our own self respect. Parenting provides us with many opportunities for self discovery, self reflection and for self improvement.

If we use these opportunities we can also grow up emotionally as our children are growing and developing.

Being Inconsistent

It's really tough on kids when you come down hard one minute and then give in the next. Nothing creates anxiety in children more than lack of consistency. If this is your parenting style then take a big step back and examine your reasons for jumping between yes and no.

• Is it that you have trouble making decisions?

• Are you worried about upsetting your children?

• Is it just laziness?

• Were you too quick to begin with?

• Do you not trust yourself?

• Do you listen to others then wish you hadn't?

If you are strict one day and then appear indifferent the next, how are your children to learn what your expectations are?

Be clear, firm and consistent. The results will speak for themselves.

No routines, schedules or house rules

This makes life so much harder than it needs to be.

Just imagine a train running with no timetable, or waiting for a doctor who makes no appointments. Just imagine having no meal times or celebrating birthdays only when you feel like it.

Chaos reigns instead of order.

We need plans, routines and schedules to organize our days. Children function best when they know ahead of time what to expect, where to be, and how to carry out their plan. Fun and spontaneity occur naturally when everyone is at ease.

Do as I say, not as I do

Is this you? Children absorb what goes on around them. As parents we don't even have to spell it out - they observe, and then act accordingly. Becoming parents brings the responsibility to clean up our own behavior, to check out our own responses and to amend what falls short.

Take a long, hard look at how you conduct yourself before your children and ask yourself if you are proud of what they see? In no way should your own actions cause you to feel embarrassed in front of your children. This point leads on to the next one.

Untruths, half truths and dishonesty

You are their first and most powerful teacher. Your children can detect untruths and half truths with their detection radar as easily as you can in others.

The problem is that your children look up to you, admire you and need your love. They aren't about to point out to you that they didn't like what they just observed. Instead, they lock it away inside themselves with some shame.

Let your children be the means of providing you with truth serum! Clean up your act and be their hero instead of teaching them about shame and confusion.

Acting like a doormat

Running around after your children teaches them disrespect, intolerance, and laziness. Providing no consequences for bad behavior teaches them that you don't care so they won't either.

• Give your children strength and stability to look up to.

• Display behavior that you want them to emulate.

• Let them learn by their actions.

Treat your children as the intelligent beings they are and allow them the opportunities to grow and learn for themselves. If doormat behavior is your way of doing things, take the time to question why this is and seek help to amend your ways for your family's sake.

Unrealistic Expectations

This is a tough one and it requires thoughtful perusal and open reflection to establish whether our expectations are realistic. Many parents err on either side - some have very low expectations of their children and so inhibit their natural growth, while others are so unrealistic that their children cave in under the pressure.

It's a good idea to have regular conversations with other parents to ascertain whether your expectations are age appropriate. Make sure your expectations match your child's emotional development.

Don't despair if you see yourself in some of these parenting mistakes. They can always be rectified and you can always make choices around your own behavior. Never be ashamed of saying sorry to your children - or admitting your mistakes to them.

Your children can learn some wonderful ways of coping by watching the steps you take to repair some of your parenting mistakes.