I was over in Ruthin, Denbighshire earlier this week. My new hypnotherapy consulting room is very close to completion. I met up with a very close female friend of mine. We were chatting and walking when she confided in me that she hated other women. Shocked, I asked her what she meant, surely she didn’t hate everyone?! She said she actively looks for flaws when she meets other women on the street, in work, at parties - practically everywhere! "That woman has fat legs. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that skirt if I had legs like that." "That woman shouldn’t be wearing brown because it makes her look like a stick. If I was that skinny, I’d dress better." chirps her internal dialogue. An endless cycle of put-downs, designed it appears, to make her feel better about herself.

In reality, she didn’t hate other women. She hated herself and her inadequacies, real or imagined. By always comparing herself to other women and pointing out their flaws, she could deflect her low body image onto others.

You might say that if it makes her feel happier, why not let her be? That’s the question – is she happier? She confessed that she isn’t. Every day she ends up more and more bitter and insecure, forever looking for the validation that neither she – nor anyone – should need. It seems that most females - and some males - of the species face such body image problems, all because of images portrayed in the media of the perfect body that has since been adapted by the rest of society as what’s acceptable.

But I’m not here to point fingers at what or who’s to blame. Instead, let’s work together to get rid of such negativity and destructiveness – for good.

1. Accept that we’re all created differently.
Each person was created in a different size, shape, and colour than everyone else. What’s beautiful and what isn’t is also a matter of different perspectives. A person might think that you’re prettier or sexier than this woman, while another person might think you look washed out compared to that woman. You can’t influence their opinions because it’s all about how they see things. Know that it’s this kind of diversity that makes the human race so fabulous.

2. Put things in perspective.
Know your attributes, and accept your flaws. Relish them because they make you unique. Understand what you can change about yourself and accept what you cannot. If you decide that there is something you can change then fine, start now! There are more articles coming to help you with this. Remember that you won’t achieve anything by sitting on the sofa or complaining to anyone who will listen, action is power.

3. Finally, stop competing with others and challenge yourself instead
When we compare ourselves to others there can only be one result. There will always be someone in the world better than us. You can never really win. Instead, accept what you do have and strive to just be a better version of you. Notice how great you feel as you keep winning against the old you.
If, of course, you have severe body image and confidence challenges it may pay to seek professional help.