Years ago I attended a weekend seminar in Phoenix called the Landmark Forum. It was actually one of the most interesting experiences I had ever gone through. My reason for attending was that I had never dealt with my divorce having turned my attention to raising the children. This was a forum to get in touch with one's issues and try to deal with them straight up. There were people with drug issues, abuse issues, abanDeanment issues and so on. And people from all walks of life. And in that three day session, you saw unbelievable transformations where people went from cavalier to a total break down to finally a rebuilding of persons to a calm confidence. One of the most striking transformations came from a local business owner that was in the trucking industry. He and his wife stood up in front of everyone in the beginning with almost a smugness in their attitude because of their success. Their clothing and jewelry alone spoke of their wealth and if that did not tell the story they sure did. Most people in the room were wondering why this couple was even there. They seemed so confident and had just about every material thing one could ask for. "Where was the fit?"

But as the weekend unfolded, we all began to see the layers being peeled off of the "trucking couple" and before we knew it there they were in tears sobbing as two abused children beaten relentlessly throughout their childhood. Their success was fueled by revenge, distrust, anger and hatred. And for the first time in their lives, they were letting the world in to see their pain and it was liberating for them and every other person sitting in that room.

As Dean continued to drive his new point across to the congregation many more within the pews were beginning to ask the same question. After a while, it almost became offensive because it started to bring back that "guilt" feeling from trying to attend different churches as a child and over time I, for one, started missing Sunday services. Finally I didn't attend at all, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't like the feeling of guilt. I had even expressed my feelings directly to Dean and others but to no avail.

Several months later, it was announced that Dean had resigned as Pastor. This master of the stage who was so prepared and so eloquently delivered his message...this man with such a command of the congregation that seemed so in tune with our Maker...was having an affair with another member of the church. His calling for "getting right" was a message that was directed to him that seemed to just pass through his lips. (pause) Or did it?

This past weekend, Dean attempted suicide. I am not inside of this broken man and so I Dean't know what he is truly thinking. But I still remember the man I first met that was "talking directly to me" that seemed to be in such command of the Word and now this. If only we could peel off the layers and get to the real man.

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