I dusted off my golf clubs the other day, having not played since last summer. I'm a fair-weather golfer and considering the number of 'fair weather' days we have in England you can guess how infrequently I play. Ask me what my handicap is and I can assure you that golf is my handicap!

What amazes me is how well I play the first time I go to the golf course after such a long break and how this seems to deteriorate the more I play!

What I've figured out is that it has to do with my expectations. When I play for the first time, I'm thinking "I'll be pleased if I can just hit that damn little white ball!" And I actually do pretty well and am feeling pretty pleased with myself!

The more times I play, however, the higher my expectations become. The next time, not only do I want to hit the ball, I've decided I want to hit it straight down the fairway. Then the next time I want to hit it 200 yards and straight down the fairway. And then the next time I want to consistently hit it 200 yards and straight down the fairway.

The other scenario is when I go to the driving range and hit consistent beautiful shots but the second I go to the first tee, disaster strikes!

The Inner Game of Golf

I have played a lot of different sports and one thing for sure, golfing is much more about what goes on in your head than most other sports. I guess that's the lure of it for me.

So what's happening to me and why is it that even the best players, with all the best equipment and the best techniques still struggle to play consistently?

It boils down to what goes on in their heads.

Anyone who wants to master golf has to master "the inner game." According to Tim Gallwey, author of The Inner Game of Golf, "the secret to increasing control over our bodies lies in gaining some measure of control over our minds."

And here is where dating can be likened to golfing.

Lesson one: Your expectation influences your inner talk

As my expectations for myself change so does my inner talk and as my inner talk changes so my game changes. My inner dialogue moves from, "what a gorgeous day, I'm just so pleased to be here and if I can hit the ball I'm happy" all the way to "I've got to hit this ball, and I've got to hit it 200 yards, down the fairway.

The same kind of inner talk also influences your dating expectations. When you go on a date, do you go with the intention simply to enjoy yourself and get to know your date? Or have your expectations of yourself and your date escalated to astronomic proportions?

Lesson Two: The harder you "try" and tell yourself you've "got to" do it, the more anxious you become

Now anyone who plays golf knows, it is not a forgiving sport and tension is the golfer's worst enemy. As soon as you 'try hard' and tell yourself that you've 'got to' do something a certain way, you create anxiety which shows itself in overtightness in your body.

Page 1 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next