Likewise in the dating world, the harder you "try" -- to be someone or something you're not -- the more anxious you will feel about dating, and that will affect your confidence, performance and enjoyment of your date.

Lesson Three: No matter how much you know about techniques, what goes on in your head can create "interference."

There are hundreds of books and videos on the techniques of golf. I've taken golf lesson which have been video-taped so that I could see exactly what I was doing wrong. I even practise with a 7 iron with a special "grip" handle that puts my hands and fingers in exactly the right place. Even with all that, I can still go on the golf course and have a completely disastrous game!

Equally you can know all the tips of how to flirt or catch the eye of the person you are interested in - and you know, hold the eye contact for a few seconds longer before moving your gaze. You can wear the "right" clothes, hang out in the "right" places and drive the "right" car but no matter how many "how to flirt" or "how to make anyone love you" course you go on, what goes on in your head can create "interference" such as lapses in concentration, self-doubt, low confidence and self-criticism, resulting again in anxiety.

Lesson Four: If you focus on what you don't want - it's what you tend to get.

After my inner talk has raised its expectations over and over again, finally it adds, "I need to be sure I don't hit it into that ****** bunker!" Guess where it goes?

The more you focus on what you don't want to happen on the date, the more likely you will end up with it.

The bottom line is that both golf and dating are more about the "inner game."

If you want to change your dating experience, it's not enough to buy the latest fashion, get the latest haircut, die your grey hair, lie about your age or pretend to be someone you've not - as I read once on a notice board: "don't try to be someone else they are already taken!"

If you want to change your dating experience, you've got to change what goes on in your head.

Dating really is like golf - it's an inside-out job!

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