When I announced I was no longer going to perform these tasks on a regular basis, you'd think I'd told the family I was joining a cult.

What's wrong with you? What kind of a woman are you, not cooking for your man?

It wasn't a pretty sight in the beginning, but I held firm. Fortunately, my partner was one hundred percent behind me because the very first day we met, I told him I detested cooking. He never minded preparing meals and even grew to love it. In time, my family warmed to the idea because love and attention was put into the meals and they could buy him neat kitchen gadgets and he'd be excited to try them out.

When they bought me kitchen gadgets I'd put them in a drawer and they'd see them in a box for charity the next summer with the tag still on them.

Because my mother loves to shop, I asked her if she'd be my personal shopper. Again, it turned out to be a win for both of us. She got more of what she loved and so did I.

Although my partner doesn't love grocery shopping, he took on the task after some smart negotiations. He hates paying bills or having anything to do with banking or investing, so I gladly assumed the entire responsibility. It didn't add much in the line of work for me, yet took what he considered a burden off his shoulders. Again, win/win.

As you examine your list, start exploring options. If you can't come up with any creative solutions on your own, bring it to a group of friends you trust. Two, three or four minds are always better than one and generate the loftiest of ideas.

Once you've found your solutions, implement them and stick to them. If others need to adjust, they will. Just make sure to create a solution that creates a win for everyone and takes away from no one.

Eventually, you'll be able to make your next list of three things you'd rather not do, then repeat the process.

During the course of your lifetime, you'll be presented with many responsibilities and tasks, and through time, they add up. The good news is, you have the right to pick and choose what you no longer want to participate in, and if you think this practice is selfish, let me remind you of what "selfish" really means...

Selfish is not doing what YOU want to do ... it's expecting others to do what you want them to do.

Stop doing things you don't like and start with your top three. If your beliefs tell you it isn't possible, put them under a microscope because they're not being honest with you. Challenge them, prove them wrong, and change them.

You have it in you.

2008 © Laurie Hayes - The HBB Source

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