The stress of a spouse in the military is overwhelming. The first step of properly dealing with stress is to understand it and know the symptoms. Stress is both a psychological and physiological response to events or situations that threaten our sense of balance. It is a natural defense mechanism meant to protect us—an emergency mode our bodies go into. Some stress is good; it helps motivate us or keeps us focused. However, it is unhealthy to consistently operate at high stress levels. Chronic stress takes a heavy toll on the body, increasing risks for heart disease, obesity, infection, anxiety and depression.

Stress manifests itself in mental, physical and behavioral ways varying widely from person to person. Some mental symptoms include memory problems, poor judgment, constant worrying and a negative attitude. Some emotional symptoms include irritability, moodiness, depression and constantly feeling overwhelmed. Physical symptoms can include headaches, backaches, nausea, insomnia and weight gain or loss. Behavioral symptoms can include neglecting responsibilities, nervous habits, picking fights and using alcohol and/or drugs to relax.

In many cases symptoms of stress lead to other psychological and medical problems if they are not properly dealt with. It is important to identify specific causes of stress called stressors, which are highly individual. The pressures and demands of military life certainly add to the daily stresses and hassles of everyday life. Some stressors are environmental, relational, work and social stressors. Stress can also be self-generated.

After you have identified your stressors create a stress management plan using the following guidelines.

Take charge/Avoid Stress: Don’t be a hero—know your human limits and stick to them. Learn to just say "no" to added responsibilities. Limit your time with people who stress you out if possible; find better ways to do tasks that cause stress like grocery shopping during slow hours.

Do less: Analyze your calendar and responsibilities and organize tasks into "musts" and "shoulds." Also, don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for help. Set realistic goals and better manage your time by planning ahead, prioritizing or getting organized.

Keep your cool: Don’t bottle your feelings up, instead express your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Be more assertive, deal with things head on and be willing to compromise in appropriate situations.

Don’t be a control freak: There are simply too many things we cannot control in life—like other people. Instead of worrying about how you can control others, focus on controlling yourself, especially your reactions.

Be Positive: In a way that is true to yourself, find ways to see life challenges as times for personal growth. This doesn’t mean being a constant optimist or never expressing fear, frustration or anger. Instead do the best you can. Keep your sense of humor; do something you enjoy every day. Connect with others and confide in friends.

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