"You did," I replied, "But you seem to be doing what you think you should be doing to make money, and to please your husband and your children, and not what you really want to do. Both you and your mother made what I have noticed to be the biggest mistake women make in relationships. Both of you gave up your dream, gave up being who you really are, and that is why you are unhappy. In a way, we can say that you chose to give your power to your husbands and then resented them for it."

Jan related to what I was saying and then admitted to me that her secret dream was to be an actress. "Ever since I was a little girl," Jan shared, "I loved being on the stage. I especially liked to play funny parts and make people laugh. Everyone is so serious, we need to laugh more. Golly, I just realized that ever since I got married, I automatically became one of those serious folks."

When I asked Jan why she didn't pursue her dream, she replied, "I didn't think that I could make enough money being an actress. Bob didn't give me much support in that direction either. He persuaded me to keep my well-paying position."

"Jan," I continued, "Have you been resenting him for not encouraging you to follow your dream?"

"Oh yes!" exclaimed Jan. "I don't get up to make him breakfast and my dinners are pretty bad, if I do say so myself. I also won't keep to the budget and I don't have much sexual desire. Gee, I just realized that I'm doing just what my mother did, including getting angry at my sons. What should I do?"

I suggested to Jan that she bring Bob into the office so that she can share her truth with him, and I can help him hear her and work out some win-win solutions. Jan was hesitant to make an appointment with Bob until after she succeeded in overcoming her other blocks to being an actress. She had discovered in the counseling process that she unconsciously didn't feel good enough or that she didn't deserve to be happy. (Those are very common fears that stop many people from going after their dream.)

When Bob finally did come in, Jan was feeling clearer and more powerful, and she asked Bob for what she wanted. Jan told him all about her dream and admitted to resenting him for not supporting her. By the end of the session, Bob was understanding his wife better and was willing to do what it took in order for her to be happy. I acknowledged Bob for being flexible and for truly loving his wife. I said, "When you have a mature love for someone, you truly want them to be happy."

I was not surprised but I was pleased when I received an invitation in the mail to attend Jan's first performance. She wrote a note that it was not a big part but she knew that it was a good beginning. What a joy it was to see Jan glowing on the stage. Even though I knew that it was scary for her, she looked very excited and as if she belonged up there. At the end of the delightful performance, Bob came over to give me a hug. He also looked a lot happier and was obviously very proud of his wife.

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