It is an illusion that only some people are great. All of us have greatness within us. As a teacher, I have always felt surrounded by greatness, whether I was in a school classroom or a workshop for adults. It has always been easy to see the potential people carry within themselves. It has been more difficult to see greatness within myself.

Often my explorations inward did not result in discoveries of greatness, but of unworthiness and lack. Like many, I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. I saw the world as a fearful place where I had to earn my way to acceptance. I hoped that others wouldn't discover the lack in me that seemed so evident. Feeling fearful and lacking, I pushed forward anyway.

I was thankful for blessed moments. These were moments when I temporarily stepped out of my fearful identity and looked into my heart. I made life changing decisions based on what my heart told me. I went away to college and paid my own way when I was told I'd never make it. I chose to become a teacher when my father thought I should be an engineer. I became a conscientious objector when others thought I should go fight. In these defining moments I touched greatness, but I still felt a sense of lack in myself.

Over the years I wrestled with this feeling. I felt the fear and did it anyway. I married, fathered children, found success in my work, earned college degrees, traveled, and had lots of friends. None of these externals seemed to relieve the inner tension. Later I divorced, left my career, wandered aimlessly for a time, and dug myself into a hole. As I looked around at the mess I had created, all that I feared about myself seemed to be true. I really was lacking. I really was unworthy. With Divine help, I dug myself out.

That was many years ago. I have since rebuilt a whole new life. I have a happy marriage and family, a home, a career, and many accomplishments. I have learned that spiritual growing is much more than belonging to the right religion, saying the right affirmations, or being positive. It is about getting to know and accept yourself. It is about learning to love self, others, and the Creative Intelligence. For me, it is about dispelling this illusion of inner lack and seeing and living the greatness that is within.

Although I suspected greatness might be present, my inner sense of lack became a way of living. I carried the feeling with me almost all of the time. I associated success at work, success in relationships, and the acquisition of money with my sense of worth. If I was making a lot of money, I felt valuable. If I was a success in my work and people liked me, I felt valuable. If my relationships were going well, I felt valuable. On the flip side, when those parts of my life were not working I would feel this inner feeling of lack.

Emotional and financial challenges, for me, brought up issues of self worth. Neither emotional or financial problems have been the problem. They have been symptoms. Uncomfortable and painful situations have served as catalysts for feelings of lack, guilt, self disappointment, resentment, or unworthiness. Just as physical pain tells us something is out of alignment in the body, emotional pain is a signal we are out of alignment with our greatness.

Page 1 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next