Divorces are never easy. They can be complicated as well, with costly traps for those who do not have good professional guidance. Beside the emotional turmoil, there are many details that need to be negotiated and settled. If there are children involved, you need to give them extra support during this difficult time.

It is possible -- and desirable -- to have a friendly divorce, instead of an adversarial one. The emotional and financial benefits far outweigh any advantage from "fighting it out" in court. If children are involved, you should maintain a respectful and cordial relationship with your ex-spouse, so that your children are not harmed by bitterness between their parents. It makes sense to start that new relationship on the right basis, minimizing hostility and damage to all family members, and keeping the lines of communication open. Here are 10 steps to a friendly divorce:

1. Decide that you and your spouse want to will keep control over your divorce instead of giving it away to a judge. If you and your spouse can't agree on how to raise the children post-marriage, or how to divide your assets, you will end up having a judge make these important decisions for you. Instead of giving away your decisions to a third party, do everything you can to make these decisions between you and your spouse. If you have decided already how to divide assets, or if there are no assets, you may seek a divorce immediately on your own terms.

If there are areas where you cannot agree, it makes sense to consult a divorce mediator. A divorce mediator is a specially-trained professional. He or she is skilled in creating a situation where you and your spouse can come to agreement on difficult issues, minimizing struggle and tension.

2. Take care of your health. Divorce can drain you of precious energy at a time when you need to be clear-thinking and active. Make sure you eat properly, get enough rest, and do what you need to do to relieve stress. By taking care of your health, you will be less likely to act upon extremes of emotion, such as anger and frustration.

3. Seek common goals with your spouse. This can include a common goal of how you want the divorce to proceed, what you want for your children, how you will communicate with each other during the divorce process, and how you will negotiate differences so that there is as much harmony as possible. Set the intention of how you both want the divorce to proceed so that you can work towards the goal in a clear manner.

4. Learn to see things from your spouse's perspective. Divorces can be very rough. Often people polarize and only see things from their own point-of-view. By trying to understand your spouse's needs, it will be easier for you in negotiating a divorce settlement.

5. Have a parenting plan. Decide how the children will be raised (including parenting philosophy and style, religion, rules, and discipline), and how often the children will see each of the parents and other family members. Decide if custody of the children will be joint (which is customary, but not mandatory), or if one parent will take primary custody of the children. Determine which home will be the children's primary residence. Create a plan for how future decisions will be made regarding the children's health, education, and emotional well-being.

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