5. Exercise: Take your humans for walks regularly. Humans are notoriously lazy so will need much encouragement. When walking, you will have your humans on a “lead” (a cable designed to enable dogs to tow and guide their humans to various destinations). The humans will frequently pull on this lead and slow you down, but you must not let them walk at a normal pace; they will not get proper exercise if they go too slowly. Once you are off the lead, you must protect your humans from any passing cats or cyclists. Furthermore, many humans suffer from acute amnesia in open spaces. Indeed, they very often drop a ball or a stick on the walk, which you have to return to them. Moments later, they will drop the object again. Make sure you are patient and bring the discarded object back to them each time, otherwise they will forget it. When you return to the house, demonstrate that you realise that you are home by marking your territory.

6. Conversational English: Here are a collection of human phrases that you will find useful (do not repeat them, humans find it disturbing if their canine owners talk back to them in the same language).

Sit! - Take the weight off your feet and rest on your haunches.

Dinner!– I have poured some dry, meat flavour biscuits into a bowl. Please try it. Din-dins!

Walkies!- Please take me outside.

Good Boy/Girl – Congratulations are in order.

Vet- Run for your life.

Wilma’s next article will be published soon. For the mean time, dogs are welcome to try her earlier work, the self-help book “Finding Your Inner Puppy”

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