That the pain is only there because you let it in.

The second thing to remember is:


People are usually not AGAINST you, but merely FOR themselves. i.e. it’s usually not about you.


The third is probably the most important in terms of intellectually letting go of things:

People react, behave, do things, as a consequence of their own pain.

This last one can be really helpful to remember when something happens to you or when you do something to cause someone else pain. Everybody has pain. Most people aren’t aware of it and those that are don’t know what to do with it.

It’s not personal.

Even when it feels completely personal, they tell you it’s about you and it’s only happening to you, it’s really probably not.

What I mean by this is that if that other person didn’t have buttons to push, the pain wouldn’t have been able to get in.

It may be true that you pushed their buttons, but you did so out of your own pain. Your job then becomes to release your own pain so you don’t feel it and you don’t inflict it on other.

Release your pain and you won’t have need to cause any pain to others. AND If they release theirs, there’s nothing that will stick.

You still have responsibility for your actions, as do others for theirs, and you should still apologize when you’ve hurt someone, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.

How To Get Rid Of The Pain


There are different techniques for releasing and forgiving and we’re going to talk about several of them now.

The first technique is an awareness exercise.

1. Give some thought to what gave you pain. Was it words said, deeds done, something not said, not done, not felt, what? What was the trigger?

2. Next, ask yourself why it causes you pain. Was a trust betrayed? Were you rejected on some level? Were your hopes dashed? Think about how that pain manifests.

3. Give some thought or let your feelings go towards the person who ‘did ‘ this. Where was it coming from? What buttons were pushed on his/her end? Why did it happen?

4. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Have you ever done anything like that? Could you possibly imagine, given what you know of their life experience, ever doing something similar? Can you, without condoning their actions, perhaps understand it a little? Have you ever cut someone off on the freeway? Have you ever spoken without thinking or said something that came out wrong?

5. Ask yourself what your role in the situation was. Were you acting out of some of your own pain? Was there something you said or did that perhaps caused the other person pain? Would you have done something differently if you’d known the outcome?

6. Take responsibility for your own role. Do you need to apologize? Can you forgive yourself? Sit down, close your eyes and imagine a soap bubble in front of you. Put your pain in the bubble – all of it – and let it float away. When it’s out of your immediate area, pop it.

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