"I don't understand," said Don. "My business is going well. I'm a good provider. I give my wife and the children everything they want. We live in a beautiful house and we drive expensive cars. Last winter I took the whole family on a trip to Mexico. I don't fool around with other women. I do play golf every Sunday with the guys. But a man needs some recreation. I don't understand why I seem to do so well at work, but when I come home I feel like a failure!

My wife, Sue, is always nagging me. She either has a headache or is too tired to be sexual. Sue spends outrageous amounts of money at her favorite sport, shopping. That woman finds more things to buy than I or she can ever get to use.

When I met Sue she was slim and attractive. She has put on at least twenty-five pounds and doesn't seem to take care of herself. Nor does she want to do anything for me. She won't iron my shirts anymore or get up early enough to make my breakfast. I'm lucky if I get a decent dinner once in a while. I'm sick and tired of not feeling good enough for her. No matter what I do, Sue is not happy.

My kids are disappointing too. They have so much more than I ever did. Do you think they're happy and grateful? No way. All they do is whine for more, watch television, or fight with each other. Their grades are nothing to rave about, and I know that they are bright. I talk to the other guys and they seem to have a similar scenario.

When Sue told me that she had called you, Helene, for an appointment I asked her why. She said that she was depressed. I asked Sue to talk to me about her problems but she wouldn't. She told me that I'm not hearing her. I think I do hear Sue. I hear her nag, nag, nag. Now she has threatened to leave me if I don't come to therapy too. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm a very successful man. Many people respect and admire me. I want you to know that I'm here but I only came because Sue made me, and I resent it."

"Don," I replied, "thank you for coming in and sharing all your frustrations. If it is any consolation, I want you to know that I have heard these same complaints hundreds of times before with the many couples I have counseled. You are unique, but your problem is not. You see, Don, you probably have been brought up like most men by your parents and society to believe that your role as a husband and as a father is to be the provider. From what you told me, you have learned your job well and are a success.

However, Don, a relationship requires much more than financial success. A relationship needs feelings expressed. It is interesting Don, that you never mentioned how much you love your wife and children."

"Of course, I love my family!" Don exclaimed. "They know that. I don't need to keep telling them."

"Don," I continued, "quite the contrary. They need to hear that you love them and they need to experience your caring by the things you say and do, and not just by what you give to them."

Page 1 of 2 :: First | Last :: Prev | 1 2 | Next