TO THOSE WHO ARE CERTAIN, "I'LL NEVER TAKE A CRUISE", HERE ARE TWELVE REASONS WHY YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT AND SHOULDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

1. Wouldn't want you to be forced to eat whatever you want, whenever you want or take away the pleasure of grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.

2. Easy to get bored when you're not interested in shopping, poolside service, gambling, ice skating, rock climbing, golf, wine tasting, theme workshops, movies, Broadway-style shows, chocolate buffets and all the other boring stuff on cruise ships.

3. Not into rejuvenating your body with facials, spa treatments, couples massages, whirlpools, decadent rose petal and chocolate therapy, hairstyling, relaxing hand and foot treatments. You can wash your own hair and do your own nails.

4. Might get dizzy from too many decisions like choosing filet mignon in a specialty restaurant or lobster in the dining room...the lounge for a quiet drink or the main showroom for comedy...a facial in the spa or a book on the balcony...blackjack in the casino or a game in the sports bar...

5. Don't want to deny you the pleasure of peeling off those wads of cash every time you eat, order a beverage, get advice from the concierge, get assistance from the bell desk. Might get a cramp from signing for your shipboard purchases instead of paying for every expense individually.

6. Wouldn't want to take away the pleasure of packing, unpacking and collecting all those cool soaps from your favorite roadside motel.

7. Could be too stressful deciding which worldwide destination to cruise including the Caribbean, Mediterranean, Europe, Asia, Alaska, South America...

8. Easier to keep track of the kids when they're under foot all the time like they are during a road trip. Who needs kids clubs!

9. Avoid headaches you might get when you're forced to pick between blackjack, craps, slot machines, sports bars, bingo, poker or other adult entertainment aboard a floating Vegas.

10. Don't want you to feel claustrophobic on a ship that holds 25-hundred passengers, weighs 90,000 tons, is several football fields in length, thousands of square feet in size and several stories tall.

11. Housekeeping and room service are completely overrated. Who needs someone in your room two to three times a day straightening your bed, freshening the bathroom, leaving chocolate on your pillow and forcing everyone to laugh at those silly towel animals.

12. With the captain in charge, wouldn't want to deprive you of that family tradition of arguing over directions!

Take a cruise? You're absolutely right. Who wants all that pampering. What were we thinking!