You are where you are because it is what you expect. Your life situation and your emotional experience of these circumstances are a reflection of your expectations. What do you expect?

Do you expect to struggle? Do you expect to be disappointed? Do you expect to be abandoned, hurt, victimized, taken advantage of? Or, do you expect to be successful, treated well, and in the flow. What are your expectations of the world?

As a child I expected to be rejected. I expected people not to want me as a part of their group. In my mind I wanted to be accepted. When I met people who did accept me, I wasn't quite sure what to do with them. I learned how to survive, but I always worried about being rejected.

At the time I thought it was my parents' fault. I thought they should have loved me better. I didn't understand that they had their own issues of feeling loved and accepted. Blaming them didn't change my expectation. This negative expectation was part of my spiritual and personal course work. The main barrier to raising my expectation was within me. I discovered that although I felt isolated, unhappy, and unsure, it was a little bit satisfying. The fear of rejection often provided me with the opportunity for a quest. Approval of certain others became my holy grail. I felt victorious when I won someone's approval. Being rejected by some people gave me pride. It proved that they were as horrible as I thought, and that I really was good.

A focus on whether or not people liked me allowed me to be wrapped up in me. I could be self righteously angry or hurt. I could always tell myself that I was the good guy. Being unacceptable became a self justifying image that ruled my relationships like a cruel dictator. This image dictated to me the role I would play with each person. It exacted a terrible price in terms of the emotional pain I caused for myself and others.

Over time I changed my internal governance. I was not able to overthrow the dictator, I just stopped giving it so much power. I raised my expectation in life. I began teaching myself that I was acceptable which helped me to speak and act in more approachable ways. My higher expectation caused me to spend less time worrying about me and more time focusing on others. It caused me to stop seeing myself as an eternal victim and to take responsibility for my life experience.

I believe my story is universal. Much of our suffering comes from our low expectations of life. Problems of financial lack, poor health, loneliness, conflict, and relationships are rooted in our expectations. We weave our fears and limitations into a fabric that covers our true selves. We wear this fabric wherever we go convincing ourselves and others that this is who we are. We receive from the world what we expect. How do we raise our expectations?

First, we need to acknowledge them. You cannot solve problems that you are not willing to look at. This begins with ceasing all blaming of other people and situations. It means standing up and saying "I created this."

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