"Caring" does not mean being nice. It means that you deal with the issues without ever losing sight of the humanity of the other person. You seek first to understand their needs and concerns. "Understanding" is not excusing. You also need to process your own emotions. In other words, find a way to emotionally let it go, to forgive. Don't let it become baggage. If appropriate, tell the other person how you felt. Tell a trusted friend or advisor how you felt. Unload it and move on. Forgiving a behavior doesn't mean you excuse it. It means that you remove all emotional attachment and meaning to what happened. Once you are free of your negative emotion, you can offer words that will help the other person behave more appropriately.

There is no guarantee, of course, that the other person will respond to you. However, your ability to respond with compassion and courage is an invitation for the other person to do the same. Your ability to be honest and direct will elevate you in the eyes of most people. As the person who refuses to blame, you will be seen as a true leader. True leaders don't blame others for problems; they resolve problems.

What about when you are on the receiving end of blame? Don't defend yourself. Examine the situation and honestly hold yourself accountable. Be eager to accept responsibility. Responsibility is not blame. It is the ability to respond. Only say and do that which will help to resolve the issue. Defensiveness, blaming, and attacks on others are wasteful and harmful to the organization as a whole.

Perhaps your first words in the morning could be: "Who can I help today? Who can I serve?" Know that you serve by praising others, assisting others, giving honest, direct feedback, and refusing to blame. Your refusal to blame anyone or anything will increase your effectiveness. It will move you toward your goals more quickly. Somewhere within you are the keys to personal power and success; somewhere that is beyond blaming.

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