There are so many myths about aging. For instance, do you

think, as many do, that “all old people are alike,” and that

nobody changes after about the age of 50?

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Freud’s famous

statement that people couldn’t change after the age of 50

simply isn’t true. At the time he formed his theories, most

people didn’t live past 50, and that of course shaped his

views. He may not have seen a lot of people over 50.

In fact this limited exposure to people in older age groups

continues to confound our understanding. A lot of the

psychological assessments available weren’t normed on enough

people over the age of 60 to make them reliable for

individuals in that age group. It’s all about developmental

stages and you wouldn’t expect “normal” to mean the same

thing for a 75 year old as a 42 year old and more than for a

6 year old and a 12 year old.

Seniors are not alike as individuals or as a group. Surveys

show that the most “contented” people are people aged 60-69,

but at the same time, the highest suicide rates of any age

group occur among individuals 65 and older. 81% of senior

suicides are male and Anglo males are particularly

vulnerable. White males over 65 have the highest suicide

rate, second only to white adolescent males. Suicide rates

are higher for those who are divorced or widowed, and cause

is attributed first to physical ailments, and then to

depression.

The percentage of seniors in the population has risen

steadily from 3% in 1900, to about 12% now. It’s projected

to increase to 21% in the next 30 years. Since most

emotional problems are often presented first to a primary

care physician, as physical problems (headache, backache),

medical schools are hastening to add exposure to geriatric

medicine and psychology in the training of doctors.

Psychology licensing boards are also beginning to require

it.

It’s important to understand that depression manifests

itself in different ways. We usually think of the

“lethargic” depressed person, the one who moves and thinks

slowly, can’t sustain eye contact, talks negatively, is

disinterested or unable to enjoy their usual pleasures, and

wants to sleep all the time. But depressed people can also

be agitated, angry, restless, irritable, eyes darting

around, frantically trying to enjoy things (but not able

to), and not able to sleep much.

In either case, women may talk about the feelings, but men

tend to complain about physical ailments when they see a

doctor.

It’s important to understand that depression isn’t a

“normal” part of aging, and that its treatable. If you

think you’re depressed, or that your loved one is, it’s good

to start with a physical checkup. You should be make a list

of all medications being taken, and also consider the normal

routine. Many seniors, especially those who live alone,

neglect nutrition and exercise.

As I say in my ebook, “EQ and Depression,” you aren’t

supposed to be depressed as you age. You’re supposed to

feel good. Many seniors have a high EQ, are resilient, and

are experienced copers. EQ intends to increase with age,

but not if you don’t work on it. Skills such as flexiblity,

creativity and resilience can be learned, and it pays to

start developing them in early adulthood, as they take time

to learn. Barring physical problems, you can learn to

manage your emotions and the thoughts that accompany, and

cause, them.

We know that isolation is worse on our health than high

blood pressure and obesity combined, and it not being

isolated depends upon your interpersonal skills – your

ability to make new friends and keep the old ones.

Creativity is needed to learn to work around things that

change. It tends to take longer, for instance, to learn new

things as we age, but many seniors are adept at “many ways

to skin a cat.” Likewise there are ways to make the

short-term memory loss less bothersome. Short-term memory

loss is one of the things that does come with aging, but the

vast experience of seniors in coping gives them a vast store

of tricks to pull ou of the bag to help them remember.

As one of my senior coaching clients tells me, “My

short-term memory’s off about 10%, but since it used to be

far above-average, I’m doing fine. Now I just write things

down, like I’ve seen others do for years.”

The ability to creatively meet challenges depends upon

having an optimistic attitude, which also can be learned. I

coach people in learned optimism and emotional intelligence

competencies all the time! If you want to, and are willing

to, you can learn to change self-limiting beliefs, once you

realize they aren’t working for you. It depends upon

correct information (like it’s not “normal” to be depressed

at any age, including old age) and then becoming aware of

your emotions and self-talk, and changing them.

Depression usually responds best to a regime of exercise,

good nutrition including neutraceuticals, medication, and

cognitive work. Coaching can help you move forward, make

goals and stay accountable to them.

We also know that resilient seniors are lifelong learners.

While we don’t make any more brain cells as adults, we can

continue to form new connections throughout the lifespan IF

we learn new things; the more radical the better. This

means if you’re an engineer, take a literature course. If

you’re a Spanish teacher, study some physics. If you’re a

left-brained mathematician, take an EQ course and develop

the other side of your brain. As someone said, “fall in

love with learning and you’ll never end up with a broken

heart”.

Intentionality is a high-order emotional intelligence

competency. Why not intend to be one of those seniors who’s

resilient and contented, who ages gracefully? Look to your

wellness now, whatever age you are, and don’t leave out the

EQ skills. The time to be developing them is now.

Our emotions directly effect our immune sytem, which is our

health. They also effect our ability to get along with, and

enjoy, others and ourselves. Men may particularly want to

address the EQ issue. I know from the statistics, and from

my coaching practice, that a man living alone at the age of

60 or beyond is in a vulnerable position, and while there

are more men at that age than women, the smart women will be

holding out for the healthy, EQ-smart men to bless with the

health-promoting marital state.

Get started now. It’s never too late to learn!