Your Job: Although no guy likes to be seen to be outdone in the professional stakes by his 'better' half, secretly we're all incredibly proud of how well you're doing at work. So when he boasts to his mates about your recent promotion, or tells them you've just got a great pay-rise, what he's actually saying is "look how hard-working, clever and well-respected my girlfriend is - and it's not just me who rates her, so does her boss." Plus, we love the sight of you in those sexy, short-skirted power suits - especially the higher up the corporate ladder you climb. And it's nothing to do with the fact that bigger pay packets for you equals bigger presents for us - as modern-thinking twenty-first century males, we're more than happy for you to be so career-focused; after all, it works for Justin and Cameron. Just as long as our dinner's on the table when we get home, that is...

Your Personality: One thing you'll never hear your boyfriend say about you to his mates is "she's got a great personality". That's not because he thinks you're boring - of course he doesn't - but we've all glanced through the personal ads at one time or another, and we know the other, 'gravitationally-challenged' connotation of that phrase. Instead, if he really thinks you're funny and smart, what he will do is tell amusing stories and anecdotes about you; when my best mate Dave started letting me know about all the 'hilarious' things his girlfriend Alison was getting up to, I knew they'd be out choosing a ring before long. And why? Because as soon as any guy starts seeing those daft things you do as totally adorable, and worthy enough to risk embarrassment by telling his mates all about them with you at the centre of the joke rather than the butt of it, you can be sure he thinks you're much more than just a pretty face. Or butt, for that matter.

The Way You Dress: "Contrary to popular belief" explains my friend Chris, "guys don't actually want their girlfriends to wear anything too revealing - unless it's just for our benefit." And he's right - nothing you wore that attracted us when we originally met will we ever want you to wear again, particularly if you're going out without us, as there's no way we want you to be stared at by other men like we did when we first saw you. The bottom line, if you excuse the phrase, is this: Men don't notice what a woman is wearing - just how little. Besides, us guys discussing how their girlfriends dress is a real no-no - and one short step away from swapping recipes or knitting patterns. But we do love it (and do notice) when you look nice, and whilst an offhand "she scrubs up well" about you to our mates may not sound like the most flattering of compliments, trust me - it is.

Your Behaviour: "Forget about our mothers" says my friend Patrick, "it's our mates you really need to get along with." Don't forget, before you came along he was free to spend his Saturdays at the pub with them, instead of trawling round IKEA with you. But hearing him tell his friends that you can be "one of the lads" shouldn't get your back up - quite the opposite, in fact, as it doesn't mean he thinks you're built like a prop-forward, and can down a pint with the best of them. Instead, he's using it as a term of real affection, meaning that while you're all girly and gorgeous when you're with him, you're also adaptable enough to get along with his mates; laughing at their un-funny jokes, even offering to buy the next round, and they don't feel inhibited when you're around. And this means you've gone a long way towards understanding the complicated male psyche. If not the offside rule.

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