Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? Headaches, depressions, anxiety, uncontrollable crying spells, fatigue, fluid retention, abdominal cramping, heart palpitations, weight gain, irritability, panic attacks, forgetfulness, migraines, backaches, decreased work or social performance, sleep problems, food cravings, breast tenderness, clumsiness, confusion . . . Sounds like a nightmare existence, doesn't it?

Are you one of the 40-80% of women for whom this scenario, or at least a portion of it, is everyday life for one to two weeks out of every month of their lives from puberty to menopause? What disorder could possibly result in these varied, and often dehabilitating, symptoms for so many women?

Premenstrual Syndrome! That's right! It's that old friend, PMS, the subject of so many jokes and putdowns. You know - that "catch-all" phrase that, according to "so-called comedians," covers all the "imaginary" problems that women "invent" as excuses to spend the day on the couch "watching TV and eating bonbons."

Let me assure you that, while it is true that doctors and researchers have not found a specific lab test that can identify PMS, this disorder is definitely neither "imaginary" nor is it "invented." Serious medical research has been going on for years to identify the definitions, diagnosis, causes, and cures for this disorder. Here are two of the resulting definitions:

1. Dr. Ellen Freeman of University of Pennsylvania Health System describes PMS as a "cluster of emotional, behavioral, and physical symptoms that have a cyclic pattern related to the menstrual cycle, becoming severe in the week or two preceding menses and abating with menstruation."

2. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists defines PMS as "the cyclic occurrence of symptoms that are sufficiently sever to interfere with some aspects of life, and that appear with consistent and predictable relationship to the menses."

How do you know if you or a loved one has PMS, if there is no real test for it? Across the board, researchers and doctors agree that the identifying factor overall in this disorder is the fact that the symptoms stop once the menses begin or once a woman becomes pregnant.

You should know that doctors have identified two serious forms of PMS that have effects far beyond those of normal PMS symptoms:

1. "Postpartum Depression" is a severe depression that some women experience after giving birth. Women with this disorder suffer a severe let-down from the high pregnancy-levels of hormones, and, because of the disruption to their nervous systems, they may actually harm themselves or their babies.

2. "Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder" (PMDD) brings about serious and disabling depression, anxiety, tension, and angry irritability, intense mood changes in the week or two before the onset of menses, and women suffering from this disorder exhibit at least five of PMS's physical symptoms as well. Like regular PMS, PMDD symptoms disappear with menses.

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