Save Your Marriage Today - 7 Tips for Resolving Conflicts

By Nina Roesner

With over half of all marriages ending in divorce and 66% of them being filed by women, one needs to consider how the blissful wedding day turns sour enough to warrant tossing the entire relationship, like a bowl of rotten green beans found in the back of the refrigerator. Relationships never crumble in a single day or conflict, but rather decay over time. Much of this atrophy occurs as a result of poor conflict management skills. In this article, we give several tips for dealing with conflict successfully in marriage.

Tip 1: Listen Well

Ever get into a disagreement only to find out that you are talking about apples and your spouse is talking about oranges? By the time one of you figures this out, oftentimes the words have been heated and pride steps in, making it difficult to pull back, admit we didn't understand and start over. Asking questions without jumping to conclusions will help you listen more effectively.

Tip 2: Clarify

For some of us, the only exercise we get is jumping to conclusions. Avoid this common mistake by asking a clarifying question: "If I understand what you are saying, you mean, (whatever your spouse said)" If the answer is, "Yes!" then you know you disagree with your spouse. If the answer is, "No!" then you have reached a place where really good information is about to be revealed. This helps you avoid the conflict.

Tip 3: Empathize with His or Her Point of View

Oftentimes we start arguing with our spouse's opinion, without honoring them, or recognizing the person involved in the conflict first. We are so quick to disagree with the topic; we forget we are going to come off as disagreeing with the person. We can diffuse a potentially volatile situation simply by letting them know that we can understand their perspective. If we honestly cannot see things from their point of view, then we need to really try to have empathy and ask questions. Growing up in the home she or he grew up in has created many points of view for all of us - so can we just try to understand how they feel? Not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but critical to successful conflict resolutions.

Tip 4: Ask Yourself, "So What?"

Many of us have a hard time allowing other people to be wrong. We feel as though we have a moral obligation to correct the world. The problem with this is that it causes a ton of dissention. People generally care less about being right than they do about being heard. When we carefully listen, clarify, empathize with his or her point of view, and then ask ourselves, "Does it really matter if my husband thinks we bought this lamp at Dillards or is it more important that he know we got it at Target?" Our spouse can hear us more clearly if we are not constantly disagreeing with them. So, pick and choose your battles carefully.

Tip 5: Never Enter into Conflict When Emotional

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