If you want to guarantee yourself a problem and a poor interaction with your spouse, engage in disagreements when upset! Your lack of emotional control will help to escalate the issue to a full-blown fight, usually resulting in regretted words being spoken on both sides. Choosing to wait until you can speak about things rationally will help tremendously - for both of you. You will be able to think clearly and hear better and so will your spouse.

Tip 6: Support Your Position with Evidence and a Question

If you get through all the other steps and still decide you want to disagree, start your position with a story that demonstrates your opinion. "Three days ago, I went to take Carol to basketball practice and I got halfway there and realized that the van was out of gas and we might not make it. I had to stop and fill up, and we were late as a result. I understand how you feel about John's being able to use the van, and I'd like to see him be more responsible with the gas situation so that it doesn't negatively impact anyone else. How does that thought fit into what you are thinking?" An open ended question (one that is not a "yes" or "no" response) keeps the dialogue going and prompts further understanding.

Tip 7: Never Say "But"

Avoid saying, "but," "however," "although," "though," and, "yet," because these words negate everything you've just said. We are tempted to say them after we've empathized with our spouse, BUT, we need to fight that temptation and use the word, "and," or just take a pause. Depending on our tone of voice, "but" can also come across like, "you idiot."

Bottom Line: Watching our tone of voice and following these 7 tips can help you have healthier interactions with your spouse when you disagree!

Save Your Marriage Today - 7 Tips for Resolving Conflicts

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