When first learning to do Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a very common question that arises is, "What word(s) should I use for the set up phrase" What should I say?"

Since I estimate that 90% of the people I work with from around the country have already used EFT by themselves or while working with another EFT practitioner, this is always a confusing matter that limits a person’s sense of comfort in doing EFT. When I started doing EFT over 10 years ago I had the same question myself.

The fact is, there are a number of important aspects to keep in mind when creating an effective set up phrase. Before explaining how a set up phrase is best designed, it is necessary to discuss a key principle of Emotional Freedom Technique that will make this point much easier to understand.

When first reading Gary Craig’s classic "Emotional Freedom Technique Manual," we learn that the set up phrase should be as specific as possible; this point is repeated several times in his manual for emphasis. While this is indeed true, the question arises, "Exactly about what should the set up phrase be specific?" Most commonly I have seen that people who have difficulty making progress with EFT are using a set up phrase that only describes their problem as a concept, and it does not describe their direct experience of the problem when it first occurred.

This point is made more apparent when you consider that the EFT discovery statement is:

"The cause of all negative emotions is a disturbance in our body's energy system."

The purpose of the set up phrase is to assist in the process of activating the energy disturbance that occurred during a particular time of stress, so it can be neutralized during the EFT tapping session. To do this, it is essential to directly and clearly feel what happened during the event when that energy disruption initially took place. This is done by experiencing again as much of the emotional feeling and thoughts that occurred at that time.

For example, I had someone contact me recently and say that she had been unsuccessfully tapping on a problem of not feeling loved. When I asked this person how she was approaching this problem, the answer was, "Oh, I am being very specific, I am saying, ‘Even though I do not feel loved, I deeply and completely accept myself.’"

While there is nothing essentially wrong with this set up phrase, the idea of feeling "unloved" is a purely mental concept. Saying that a person feels unloved does not say exactly what is felt. It is an abstract mental concept that will change from one person to the next. "Feeling unloved" does not explain or help you to define what it feels like to feel unloved. Gary Craig has a great way of getting over this hurdle by saying something like this to a person who says their problem is "feeling unloved." He will say, "Now let’s just say I am from Mars, and I want to know what you are feeling when you say you feel unloved. What would I experience inside if I felt unloved? If I wanted to feel unloved like you do, how would I do it?" This causes most people a great challenge to explain in detail the experience they have lived with for so many years. It is far more difficult than simply saying the words, without thinking about and expressing how the actual experience is felt when it first occurred or when a person is reminded of it.

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