Do you desire a relationship but never seem to meet the right person? Are you finding that even when you do connect with someone, the relationship does not last long? It turns out to be another disappointment, another feeling of rejection, or end of a fantasy.

If you can relate to these feelings, know that you are not alone. As a practicing Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist, I have learned incredible insights into the causes and the solutions to our many relationship dramas.

It was fascinating to hear from every client, male and female, young and old, the same frustration and despair. Every client longed for that wonderful, loving relationship. Everyone felt powerless, and pessimistic about ever having their dream fulfilled.

One client, Gail, a very pretty thirty-two-year-old woman said to me, "Helene, I want you to help me to become a hermit." I replied, "Gail, if you could have what you desire in a relationship, would you still want to withdraw from society?" "No," Gail admitted, teary eyed, "I'd love to be married and to have a family."

In the course of her counseling sessions, Gail expressed how devastated she was from her painful relationships with all the men in her life, including her brother and father. Unable to handle any more rejection, she was seeking to become a hermit to protect herself, even though her solution was not what she truly desired.

Gail succeeded in therapy in overcoming her fears and hurts about men, relationships, and herself. She had discovered that even though she was a beautiful woman, she felt ugly. Gail also felt unlovable, unworthy, bad and not good enough from the time she was five years old and her father left the house.

I will never forget when Gail regressed back to that crucial childhood time and realized the truth-that her Dad chose to leave because he was not getting along with her mother, but that he loved Gail very much. In her visualizations, Gail was able to hear her father's reassurance that she was not responsible for her parents' divorce. He was so sorry that she took it personally, felt abandoned, and decided that men she loves leave her.

Gail sobbed deeply, mourning all of the years she was under the illusion that she was not okay, and did not deserve a loving relationship. She also realized how she kept reliving, in her adult life, her five-year-old decision that men abandon her, by choosing men who would keep rejecting her.

As Gail healed her inner child she was able to believe the truth, that she is okay, beautiful, lovable, worthy, good enough, and that men she loved would be there for her.

Six months later, she called me to tell me about her loving relationship. Gail was no longer pushing away the relationship that she wanted, and she allowed herself to attract her perfect mate.

This story is typical of the scenarios I discovered with all of my clients who were unsuccessful in their relationships. That includes the men who had made similar destructive decisions with their mothers, sisters, and previous lovers.

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