Today, I diagnosed metastatic cancer in a new patient who had just come to see me. I had to tell this young, beautiful, vibrant woman that did not not have long to live, perhaps a few months. There was nothing I could do for her. All I could do was to tell her that I cared for her. I could show her my professional "love." My consultation report was faxed to the patient’s referring primary physician, and an hour later, the physician called me, in disbelief. Together on the phone, we could only share a sense of profound loss.

You might read this and think: Love is useless in this case. Love will not cure her cancer, nor will love protect her from the pain and suffering that is imminent. And you would be absolutely correct. But what is the alternative to love? Is it hate? Is it apathy?

When I was younger, I used to consider that only actions and accomplishments are truly useful. You can list them, objectively and concretely. You can measure productivity and compare the results to other people’s activities. But when there is no useful action, as in this case, is there nothing left but despair? When someone hurts you, is there nothing to do but retaliate? Medically, it has been shown that hate hurts you physically just as much, if not more, than the person you hate. Scientifically, it has been shown that despair pains you mentally just as much, if not more, than actual bodily trauma.

So, should you choose "love", because it is the lesser of two evils? Well, I certainly do not think so. As I get older and accumulate more knowledge and experience, I realize more how little control I have over life in general. Maybe you did not have a good childhood, perhaps people have done horrible things to you, natural disasters occur, and now you are helpless.

Please realize that the only thing you have under your control is how you feel and how you will react to external events. Unless you have a psychiatric illness, you can choose to "love" or you can choose to "hate." None of us lives forever. Do you want to wait until you’re lying on your deathbed before you think "maybe I should have been nicer to this person or to that person?" Or do you want to evaluate every day of your life whether you have contributed in some way some love to the world that day? I offer you my humble opinion that "Love is THE answer – every day of the year!"