Lately, people, places and things have been reminding me of my friend and coaching colleague, Susan Race, who died suddenly in 2008. She was one of the first coaches I met when I entered coaching in 2001. She offered a bright smile, was always supportive, loving, energetic, and generous with her time and talents. She left a mark on my life and on many others.

What is a life? It is moments of time. All we take with us when we leave this life is our experiences, our love, and our lessons. And what we leave behind is the impact we make on the lives of others. We have a choice about how we experience our life in any given moment AND we choose the impact we wish to have on others.

Everyday, as you go about your day-to-day activities, whether you are at work or with family and friends, you have an impact on people’s lives. Do you know what this impact is? And are you happy with the impact your life is having on the lives of the people around you?

Time and time again I hear complaints about "management" from staff. They don’t want to point fingers so it tends to be general statements about leadership such as "They don’t care. They don’t listen." This leads to poor morale and can impact the bottom line in the form of turnover and the use of sick time. Do you know how your staff feels about you? What are they saying? It does not matter whether they are right or wrong; their perception is their truth.

Your impact is about you and the experience others have with you. It’s important not to pawn your power off on others by believing that you have no control over what other people think of you. Your actions lead to the impact you have in the minds of other people. In other words, you are the cause; their perception is the effect.

It’s not just your behavior that’s impactful, but also your energy, emotions, mood, words, and body language. It’s what you don’t do as much as what you do. People may not remember what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel. And, as a leader or business owner, or even a parent, your impact has a reach that extends far and wide. It takes on a life of its own as people share their experiences of you with others. In addition, people have their own moods and priorities at the time they experience you or your message. This influences their perception.

For example, at work, you may be a people-pleaser or perhaps you fear not being liked. These concerns cause you to not speak up, to tolerate problems longer than you should or need to; you avoid conflict or minimize difficult personalities or negativity in the workplace. This in turn, influences your self-esteem and your ability to lead. The environment you create in the workplace reflects your actions. At home, if you are concerned about being liked, this will be reflected in how you parent and how you treat your spouse. You are less likely to ask for help or for your needs to be met, causing resentment and anger to build, much like it does at work. This discontent festers and affects the most important relationships in your life. You risk alienating your spouse and children. And your children are learning from you that people-pleasing is important, that you should sacrifice yourself to please others and avoid conflict at any cost, even to the detriment of yourself and your happiness.

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