I urge my clients to be authentic, be a good listener, ask powerful open-ended questions, be truly interested, and find out what’s important to the other person.

This also sounds like a pretty good system for effective dating.

After all, if you dominate the dating conversation, talk only about yourself, or focus on why it’s a good idea for the other person to respond to your “offer”, your results will be, at best, hit and miss.

Jenny, my wife of 33 years, tells me that she would hate to be in the “dating pool” again. She's a great communicator, but would be less than overjoyed at the possibility of facing rejection. Plus... she fears that saying the wrong thing might maker her come off looking stupid. (This, for her, is impossible.)

Many in the dating pool share these concerns.

Selling is a lot like dating. Each is dramatically important to our survival. One brings us the opportunity for approval and love; the other brings us the opportunity for approval and money.

The fear, and it is fear, that we won’t “cut the mustard”, or live up to the expectations of the prospect, is an emotion that's present in both activities.

What are we afraid of?

We’re afraid that despite our best efforts, our “prospect” will reject us or our offer. Even worse, they might tell us, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you.”

Jenny tells me that from their early teens women are taught a system for dating.

They have been trained to “listen to a guy” in order to “catch” him. If you don’t believe me, check some old issues of Seventeen or Teen. It’s a time-honored tradition, rightly or wrongly.

Most salespeople and most daters attempt to “close the deal” without using a well defined communications system.

Being authentic and speaking from the heart in your dating or sales communications doesn’t mean that it’s in your best interest to “wing it.”

Whether it's for selling or dating, I suggest that you use a system to help you build up your skill muscle for authentic and effective communication.

For years, my clients have been telling me that my selling system has made a big difference in their personal lives as well. This is gratifying, but not surprising.

Effective communication is effective communication, no matter what it’s designed for.

When I developed my communications system I had a goal.

Over the years my clients have been telling me that they wanted to learn a way to say the right thing, at the right time… all the time. Being able to do that would seem to be a sure way to attract more clients, more referrals, more sales, and more dates.

So, my system is designed to produce those results 100% of the time… and it doesn’t.

Let me explain why that's okay.

My favorite metaphors relate to the world of sports. In most competitive sports the participants follow a game plan that focuses on winning 100% of the time.

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