Are you short of confidence when involved in conversation? Well, read on… You don’t need to live your life feeling inferior to others because of a lack of confidence. Accepting things without question or letting people verbally demean you is not good for your confidence or your mental health.

You can generally identify the person who lacks in confidence. He will withdraw from a conversation for fear that he will be ridiculed for any opinions he may put forward. He will never argue because he is too afraid to speak up. This is different from avoiding an argument for the sake of protecting a relationship.

Unhealthy fear traps you in an uncommunicative situation where your emotions are hurt and this will get you nowhere. This fear will leave you feeling frustrated and afraid. You know you have things you would like to say but this irrational fear holds you back.

Becoming a confident person and breaking free of that trap involves working on your inner self. You need to learn to express your confidence both verbally and non verbally. In other words, to become confident you have to remove the fear. Okay, how do I do this, you say.

To remove your fear, you first must understand where it came from. Fear is an unpleasant emotion towards a valid or perceived threat. Lets look at the concept of a perceived threat. There are three stages in perception…

1. Exposure to information 2. Attention to information 3. Interpretation of information

Exposure is simply the process of hearing the information. Attention is the process of actively listening to the words that may evoke certain emotions in you. Interpretation is the meaning you attach to what you have heard. This is where the brain may compare information and emotions against previous experiences.

For instance, you will interpret something from a friend quite differently from something coming from a person you don’t get along with or you have had previous problems with. By analyzing the interpretation of the information and the emotions it raises, you are on your way to becoming more confident.

Perception of fear can be very overpowering as we see it as a hazard to our physical or mental wellbeing. Fear is a safety net for our physical and psychological protection. Unfortunately, it can also hold us back when it comes to achieving our dreams, particularly when it is a psychological fear. The risk doesn’t actually exist but is initiated by your incorrect interpretation of the information.

I’m sure we all know people who are stubborn and self righteous. Chances are that person, despite appearing overly confident, actually lacks confidence. They fail to listen to other people’s opinions because they lack confidence in their own input. When a person is confident, he/she will listen attentively to other’s opinions and welcome them.

Becoming confident takes time and effort. You wont suddenly wake up and be filled with unstoppable confidence. There will be times where you lapse back into that fear filled mindset but you will find it easier to understand and overcome. Learn to accept mistakes as part of the learning curve.

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