"He who makes his companions laugh deserves Paradise."

There was a man who owned a small whore house. He wanted to expand but didn’t have the capital so he contacted the local mafia who lent him the cash that he needed. Business started to boom but then the local bad guys began to visit regularly, never paid for the girls and sometimes beat them up so after a while most of the girls left and the business collapsed which only goes to show that TOO MANY CROOKS SPOIL THE BROTHEL.

The store customer really loved the pair of shoes that the salesman showed to him but, on trying them on he found that they were much too tight. "No problem," said the salesman. "Just wait here for a few minutes." The salesman then gave the shoes to one of his assistants who proceeded to run up and down the stairs for the next twenty minutes. When the assistant returned, the salesman gave them to the customer to try on and he agreed that they now fitted perfectly. IF THE SHOE WEARS, FIT IT.

During the French revolution, the peasants captured a rich Count. They tortured him, trying to get him to reveal where his treasure was stashed but he would not tell them. They decided to scare him just enough to get him to talk so they led him out to the guillotine and placed his head on the slab. They told him that they would kill him if he didn’t answer but one of the guards accidentally pulled the rope and the Count was killed proving that you should NEVER HACHET YOUR COUNTS UNTIL THEY’RE CHICKEN

In Canada a dentist used to go fishing in a stream frequented by dangerous grisly bears. When asked how it was that he was never attacked he replied that he injected some fish with sedatives and threw them to the animals, adding THERE’S SAFETY IN NUMB BEARS

There was a small country where the king was overthrown. After the revolution, the people were searching for him because he had gone into hiding. One of his close friends allowed him to hide in the greenhouse of his country home. The king had insisted on taking his gold throne with him and enjoyed sitting in it in the greenhouse, thinking of better times. One day a passing peasant noticed him and reported him to the authorities. The king was arrested and executed which goes to show that PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN’T STOW THRONES.

In Saudi Arabia a company was prospecting for oil and instructed the manager to check ten wells. The manager started with the first well and came up with nothing. The same with the next and the next etc for several months until at the last well he finally struck oil. He thought that the boss would be happy with him but instead he was fired. The boss told him that he had wasted too much time because he should have known that THE OIL WELL ‘S THAT END WELL.

President Bush visited a naval station to inspect a new warship and expected to receive a hero’s welcome. Instead he was booed and given rude signals by the whole crew. He was so incensed that he ordered two crew members to be immediately sent to solitary. The rest of the crew was not discouraged. They insisted that it was WORTH TWO HANDS TO GIVE BUSH THE BIRD.

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