The prisoner convicted of sexual offences spent his entire sentence stitching mailbags because AS YOU RAPE, SO SHALL YOU SEW

Returning from a trip, the owner found the house was so dirty that she immediately fired the maid. GRIME DOES NOT PAY

The young man had been going out with his girlfriend for a few months when, one day he developed a really big sore on his thigh which confined him to his bed. His girlfriend took such good care of him, washing and feeding him that he realized that he really loved her and asked her to marry him. You see, ABSCESS MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

The Eskimo was really fed up with the constant cold so went to visit the local fortune teller. "Drink this magic potion" he was told, "and the sun will heat up, the ice will disappear and it will be extremely hot. The man went home and drank the liquid but nothing happened. ONE SWALLOW DOES NOT A SUMMER MAKE

A man was sitting at home waiting for his blind date to arrive. Just as she rang his doorbell, the power went out. He staggered over to the door, fumbled with the lock and let her in. "What’s your name?" he enquired. My name is Dawn," the girl replied. "I might have guessed," muttered the man. "IT’S ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE DAWN."

After he broke up with his girlfriend, she ran her truck into his car, shot his dog and then set fire to his house. Attempting to locate his ex, the man went with the police to the girl’s mother and explained to her what had happened. She wouldn’t believe that her daughter had done such a thing, telling him "Hell, a woman scorned hath no fury like that."

The charity organization decided to donate a dental surgeon’s services to a poor country. All the media gathered there to watch the man perform on his first patient. Unfortunately the dentist developed a terrible cold and sore throat preventing him from operating. A HOARSE GIFT NEVER LOOKS IN THE MOUTH.

The president of a large corporation was involved in a big scandal when it was discovered that he had a young, male lover living in her apartment. The story was all over the newspapers including the corporate name. A COMPANY IS KNOWN BY THE MAN HE KEEPS.

The homeless man was discovered living on the beach in a large structure, complete with moat and towers that he had made out of sand. You could say that A MAN’S CASTLE IS HIS HOME

A visitor from Czechoslovakia was at the Bronx zoo when he slipped and fell into the lion pit. He was immediately devoured by one of the lions. Witnesses were not sure whether it was the lion or the lioness that ate the man, so the investigators decided to use an x-ray. Their final decision was that it was in fact the lion that was responsible. You could say that THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE.

The king was holding court surrounded by his jesters. One of his enemies attempted to assassinate him, firing an arrow from the tower but hit one of the jesters by mistake. As the king said, your must KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU

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