Kids Birthday Party Ideas

Preparing A Disaster Plan.

You would think, wouldn't you, that the main aim of a Children's Birthday Party or, for that Matter, any Children's Party, was to make sure that the "little darlings" have a lovely time.

Well, I'm going to let you into a secret, It's Not.

The primary objective of a Children's Party is to ensure that the adults present stay alive and maintain some perceptible level of sanity and that the house the party is held in remains an insurable piece of real estate.

No matter how much money you spend on entertainment for your children's birthday party - bouncing castles, magicians, The Rolling Stones, live elephant rides - the "little darlings" are going to prefer climbing anything that projects from the outside of your house, smothering the cat with 'silly string', feeding the $1700 pedigree dog play-dough or hurling sticky food at passing old aged pensioners.

The older children, those over the age of eight, will be behind the garden shed smoking your lawn clippings.

If you are unfortunate enough to have a swimming pool, the water in it will be the colour of very weak tea by the end of the festivities and you'll have to get the hazardous waste experts in to sanitize it for you and stop it being a mortal danger to indigenous wildlife.

The most popular entertainers, at children's parties, are the clowns. I'm sure that you've all heard the song "The Tears of a Clown". That song was written by an entertainer at children's birthday parties.

You can never hire a clown for a mid-week party as they're all in specially set up, Mental Health Department Funded, Clown Sanatoriums receiving intensive electric shock treatment to get them ready for the next Saturday afternoon's gig.

I feel sorry for the poor mothers who have to officiate on these perilous occasions. Hours and hours spent baking delicacies only to find that the guests prefer throwing and wearing the food rather than eating it. It would make any mother wish that she'd piled the table high with half-bricks covered with icing and hundreds and thousands.

If the party started at 2pm, by 3.45 all the mothers are huddled together in the bathroom taking turns at swigging from the gallon flagon of cooking sherry. They're safe in the bathroom, the kids won't want the bathroom, why should they? There's a perfectly good swimming pool outside.

The fathers are, of course, doing their best. They've either gone fishing or are in the pub watching the football.

Let The Festivities Commence! 

"Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war".

I suppose that I should, at this point, start giving you some ideas on how to stop this chaotic event turning into a full scale disaster that necessitates the mobilisation of the National Guard and all other emergency services.

Let's have a look at a few 'damage control' ideas.

Firstly it is a terrific help if you, or someone close to you, has a military background.

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