The Self-Esteem Challenge There is no better way to check your self-esteem than to start dating again. I'm preparing to meet a fella with whom I have been corresponding with via email for several weeks. And sure enough, the mindtalk has begun.

Will he think I'm too tall, too curvy? Will my humor, the one thing I'm known for, be there when I need it? Will I talk too much, not enough? And, god forbid, I'm several years older than he is, will that be a deal-breaker for him? And that's just the surface stuff.

Refreshing My Own Self-Esteem List One of the exercises we do in my coaching groups is to create a self-esteem list. Last evening, I decided I needed to refresh my self-esteem list. So I set the scene. I settled in, made sure I had some alone time, put some quiet music on, got comfortable and took some time to reflect and brainstorm the things I am proud of and that I like about myself. You have probably done a lot of brainstorming at work. You know the rules... let your ideas just flow, let them build on one another, don’t judge, all ideas are good, and keep going till nothing’s left.

So I began my list. Things I like about myself ... my humor, my interest in reading, my love of dogs, my kayaking ability (flat water of course ), my height, my eyes, my appreciation for nature, my time spent with my adult children and two young grandchildren, my intuitive intelligence, my coaching practice, my ability to take risk, my courage to face new things, my trust in a higher power. It's rather a simple process, but I found as the list got longer that I shifted my mindtalk and thus my whole energy began to feel more upbeat. I think I might even survive this upcoming date!

The Outcomes Each of us has many positive qualities, but often we don't take time to acknowledge or appreciate ourselves. However, we know the better we feel about ourselves and who we are, the happier we are and the more loving we are to others. Another valuable outcome is that when we think highly of ourselves, our creative energy flows more readily, and the greater contribution we can make in the world around us. Pretty good outcomes for a simple process, wouldn’t you say?

A self-esteem tune up is good for all of us. And I find this exercise to be helpful both in times of real discouragement and in those times, like above, when I just needed a little lift. One thing to notice is that I put "my" before each item. That way I really claim each quality as belonging to me. I own it.

Your Turn Settle into a quiet spot, you might like to listen to some of your favorite music, than begin to brainstorm your own self-esteem list. Think back over your life, your challenges and how you faced them. Think of things you like about your body, your personality, your character, the way you relate to people, your intellect, your spiritual nature, your humorous side, etc. Write down everything, even if you feel silly doing it. Write down the complements you have received from others.

Keep at it for a good 10 to 15 minutes. You can do it. Write as many things as you can – even beyond 10.

"Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true" author unknown