By Kathleen Passanisi
In the most famous attic of all time, Anne Frank wrote, "We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same." In his very first speech as president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt assured a depression-crippled nation, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Now, decades later, the study of positive psychology has shown us that these famous quotes are not only timeless – they are connected.
In his book, What Happy People Know, Dan Baker, Ph.D., reveals that fear is the mortal enemy of happiness. He explains humans have only two primal emotions: love and fear. According to Baker, "Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to thrive." Unfortunately, in a "fight or flight" world, it’s impossible to focus on the joy of your accomplishments or love from those around you without first overcoming fear.
Why We Fear
Overcoming fear is not an easy task, as fear is a hard-wired evolutionary response. As Baker points out, fear is an impulse rooted in the simplest of all brain parts, the "reptilian" brain stem. The ability to fear evolved over 100 million years ago! What separates our fears from those of a lizard is that our fears are generally coupled with emotion. This coupling takes place in the amygdala, or "mammalian" brain.
The amygdala is the basic home of memory. It is precisely why some adults never outgrow their childhood fears. The amygdala stores them for easy recall. The mammalian brain also triggers the physical side of fear. It signals the release of stress hormones in the brain, which, in turn, raise blood pressure and heart rate and cause queasiness and the jitters. At one point, this three-part fear response was what kept humans alive. First, the danger would approach. The human would recognize it as such, then the brain would kick the human into "high gear." Nowadays, however, the roots of our fears are rarely physical dangers. There are very few hungry lions in our midst. So why do we have the same type of response?
What We Fear
Baker divides all modern fear into two categories, the "fear of not having enough" and the "fear of not being enough." At the root of both fears is the myth of scarcity. Dr. Michael Beckwith, featured in the self-help phenomenon The Secret, attributes all human suffering to the idea that there is not enough good to go around. Many people believe there is not enough money, not enough love, not enough oxygen for everyone. Every day, therefore, is a struggle. When we don’t get what we want, we blame some flaw in ourselves, "If only I were smarter, I would make more money. If only I were cuter, somebody might love me."
This constant self-berating causes a deep sadness in many of us which triggers a terrible cycle. We begin to feel we are unworthy of happiness. Because we are sad, we cling to the little happiness we already have. Because we feel unworthy, we fear the loss of these joys. These fears trigger negative actions. Believers of the "law of attraction" and quantum physics will assure you "what you focus on expands." Soon you’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagined loss reaps real loss. Happiness becomes something we futilely chase instead of something we readily enjoy!
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