Since writing my post on how to ‘recession-proof’ our relationships a few days ago, I got to thinking about the effects of unemployment on children and recession-proofing our relationships with them too.

Although the reactions of children to unemployment in the family are bound to vary according to age, the conclusion that I drew was that, with the exception of small babies, there is not an age group that would go completely unaffected. That is, of course, assuming that you still have enough money to feed a small baby.

Children of any age need security, and much of that security comes from routine. When Mom or Dad no longer has to go out to work every day, that routine is broken, and little Johnny is left wondering what is going on. He knows that you are home all day and all he wants to do is play with you. You, meanwhile, are trying to put all of your efforts into finding another job and do not have the time. As a child, little Johnny does not understand your financial or any other concerns. All he can see is that Mom or Dad is home but does not want to spend time with him, which, of course, is not only confusing but downright hurtful. Add to this the fact that you might be feeling stressed or depressed or suffering from mood swings, and little Johnny’s security is further shot.

While the issues of security and routine also hold for older children and teenagers, they have a whole bunch of other considerations too. At the same time as you are feeling the social stigma of unemployment, so too are they. Children and teenagers can be incredibly cruel, and while it would be nice to think that your kids’ friends would be supportive and sympathetic to your family circumstances, it is probably more likely that they will use it as an excuse to either tease, taunt or bully.

In this age of materialism, the peer pressure to have all of the things that the other kids have got is vast, and here again children feel the pinch when financial fortunes change. If suddenly they are being denied the latest computer games or the trendiest clothes because the money will no longer stretch that far, their anger and resentment is likely to be turned on the person who needs it least, the person who already feels as guilty as sin – you!

I guess the only answers I could come up with on this one were, first of all, as far as possible, keep things ‘normal’. While it is no excuse not to help out more around the home, if Dad suddenly starts doing all the things that Mom usually does, it is only likely to cause confusion. In addition, if Dad does not do these things the same way as Mom normally does, there is every chance that you are both going to become irritated.

The second thing is, where things inevitably have to change, make a new routine. Yes, you are going to be home all day, but you do still have to look for alternative employment. Let your children know that it is important that you have that time alone to concentrate on your job search, but also let them know that you will have more time to do things with them. Set yourself a schedule for your job search, but also factor in more time than you would normally have for your children so that they do not feel pushed out. Perhaps take some time during the middle of the day to take a break and have some fun. Not only will your children appreciate it, but it will probably do you the world of good too.

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