(b) Admit your own flaws and ask for forgiveness. Since it takes two to tango, acknowledging your own imperfections makes it easier for someone else to acknowledge theirs.

(c) Every time you take a "swing" at someone, offer them a positive "stroke." "If there be any virtue...think on these things" (Php 4:8). For each of the difficulties you address, give a compliment. "I'm sure this wasn't easy for you to hear. Thanks for listening to me so graciously." Being solution-focused gives people something positive to live up to, not down to!

Rule 5: Keep it in the laundry room. "Don't treat each other with malice" [ill will, spite] (See Eph 4: 31 NIV). When you're angry, spreading gossip is hard to resist. But malicious talk is like wildfire; it consumes those who spread it and those who listen to it. Don't display your dirty wash; keep it in the laundry room. Dirty laundry gets aired in two ways:

(1) Open embarrassment. You say it where you know others are going to hear it.

(2) Subtlety. You make jokes about their figure, family members and friends, etc., in order to belittle them.

This results in embarrassment for the person you're angry at, widens the gap between you and makes reconciliation impossible. Solomon writes: "He that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter" (Pr 11:13), and "Love covereth all sins" (Pr 10:12). Paul writes: "In malice be babes, but in understanding be mature" (1Co 14:20 NKJV).

Rule 6: Be part of the clean-up crew. We say, "They brought it on themselves. Let them get over it." They may have deserved it, but we can't walk away and leave open wounds to become infected. We "forgive, even as Christ...has forgiven" us (See Eph 4: 32). How did Christ forgive us? After we'd acknowledged, confessed and repented of our sins? No. "When we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son" (Ro 5:10). God took the initiative, so forgive, before the other person asks for forgiveness. And should they remain your enemy for life, forgive them anyhow. That's mopping up after the war. Only then are you yourself forgiven, the wounds you inflicted healed, and your record before God expunged!

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