A lot of people feel that they are "different" from other people, in some way. Whilst some people like to feel different and high-light their uniqueness, others find it rather difficult and uncomfortable. The majority of people like to feel that they "fit-in"; they feel more comfortable and confident when they are on the same wave-length, or if they can blend in with others. Most people like to be different in some circumstances and blend in when in other circumstances.

If you watched the film "Gran Torino" you will be aware of how "different" Clint Eastwood's neighbor felt; the young lad whose cousins had formed a small "gangster" band whilst he preferred to help at home and to try to follow a more law-abiding existence. This movie highlighted so many people who felt different.

Clint Eastwood played Walt, who had trouble fitting in after returning from the war. He played the part of someone suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. The sister of the lad next door was different too as she was more fearless than one might expect, more "ballsy". She was part of the Asian community which had moved into the neighborhood, with Walt being one of the few westerners left - this made him different on another count.

The Gangster group had found their own way of dealing with their differences. They had turned to violence as a way of scaring off others and standing out, as a way of being noticed and building their own self-confidence. But they wanted their cousin to join them, they tried their best to force him into a life of crime, and he only just managed to escape this fate. The situation showed that the lads in this gang, although wanting to be different they also wanted others to be different like them - as a reverse method of fitting in.

If you have a high level of self confidence you are generally happy wherever you are, whatever the company is, so long as it is safe, that is. If you have lower levels of self-confidence, then different types of behavior can be observed. Some people purposely try to be different as a means of getting attention. I have a friend whose mantra in life is "I don't do authority". She will do the exact opposite of what she thinks people expect or want. She stands out in this way; she gets attention in this way. And as has been demonstrated in numerous research studies, negative attention is better than no attention.

Another friend of mine suggested the other day that if she was me she would be playing up my "Englishness" when in America so as to be different and get noticed. My own instinctive tendency has always been a combination of blending in and just being me, as opposed to intentionally high-lighting my differences. "Different horses for different courses" as the saying goes.

There are many different ways in which one can act so as to feel more comfortable and more confident. But there is one sure thing in life and this is that we do need attention; this is one of the "givens" in human existence. In fact we CANNOT SURVIVE without human interaction. This was proven many years ago in a very unfortunate study involving several new born babies - those who were denied human interaction either grew at a lesser rate than those who were given love and affection, or even died.

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