To me, a high maintenance relationship is one where you feel like you're treading on eggshells and perhaps you feel reluctant to say what you think or feel for fear that the other person might over-react, yell at you, tell you you're wrong or otherwise create a drama out of something that is not really important. Eventually the relationship, whether spouse/partner, friend, colleague or boss, becomes too difficult to maintain and you either leave the relationship (or job), or stay and endure strained or non-existent communication.


If you feel that it is possible that you are high maintenance, the following ideas may help you to see how it is important to relax a bit more so you can promote honest and open communication with loved ones, colleagues or friends. Then, I will give you some tips on how improve your relationship with someone who is "high maintenance".

Overreacting or over-interpreting - Unhappiness or conflict is often a result of how we react to an event or person - it does not reside in the event or person themselves. Over-reacting or overanalyzing with fixed ideas of how things should be or how people should behave, and then becoming aggressive or defensive when they don't meet your expectations, is a sure way to unhappiness. We can only be only hurt if we have preconceived ideas on how people should behave (and who made you the expert on how someone else should behave?). You are likely to be disappointed and frustrated if you expect people to act in accordance with your values or expectations. Accept the fact that everybody is different and there will be many times when you disagree with someone, or they disagree with you.

Often we overreact when plans get changed or things don't go the way we hoped or expected. Generally, we need to allow for the fact that things are not always going to go to plan. When I was young and backpacking around the world, I was accompanied by my (now ex) husband who used to virtually throw a tantrum every time there was a minor hiccup, for example, a bus was not on time or the museum or whatever we were hoping to visit was closed on that day. It came a point where I threatened to travel on without him, and he started to settle down. The Buddhist philosophy of letting go of attachment to outcomes, that is, being more flexible and less rigid about how things should be, will help you to become a much more relaxed and peaceful person, and much easier to be around.

There will still be times when you need to confront someone or fight for something you believe in. Make the decision to argue only over things that are truly important.

Be kind instead of being right - It's almost always more important to be kind than to be right. So often we get so caught up in defending our position or correcting people on some small issue which doesn't really matter, that we end up alienating ourselves from people. The other person certainly won't appreciate you pointing out that they are wrong or realising that you have no respect for their opinion. Then, how often do you actually feel better for correcting someone or making them feel small? Personally, I usually feel worse and wish I hadn't succumbed to the temptation to point out that they are wrong.

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