For over a decade, I have worked with an Emotional Intelligence (EI) model that indicates emotional self-awareness as the foundational competency. Emotional self-awareness supports and serves as a basis upon which to build EI competencies including emotional self-management, emotional self-motivation, empathy and nurturing relationships. On a daily basis, unaware and even unwittingly accepting, we experience a roller coaster of emotions brought on by today's varied and face-paced demands. Yet it is awareness of our emotions that is critically necessary in order for us to enhance our emotional competence.

We have become so accustomed to the pressures of today's world that we barely notice when the heat is turned up. Our stress levels rise when we experience negative emotions and are unable to cope with the challenges of our environment. We've all heard of the damaging effects of stress, but what's surprising is that many people don't realize they are experiencing negative emotions. If you don't know what emotion you're feeling, you don't have the information you need to decide whether to stay in that emotion or change or transform it.

Jane's Story:

Jane (not her real name), one of my EI workshop participants, worked in a technical field. The idea that emotions and emotional intelligence were important to performance seemed far-fetched to Jane. Both the company culture and the extremely objective, rational nature of her profession promoted the concept that emotions played no role in her work. This impression also carried over into her personal life. When we had our goal-setting interview before the workshop, Jane told me that she didn't notice emotions and emotions played no role in her work. She also told me that her colleagues were difficult to work with. Jane was disconnected and didn't see the emotional impact she had on others. Additionally, her boss perceived Jane as causing all her problems. He felt the difficulties Jane was having were due to her distant behavior and lack of emotional self-awareness and insensitivity to others.

During and after our first training session, Jane started practicing techniques to help her become more aware of her emotions. Jane, shared with me that she finally recognized that she did have emotions and those emotions, the negative ones, were negatively affecting her relationships both at work and at home. She realized that distancing herself made her peers feel that she was inapproachable. Jane confided in her boss about her revelation. Before this discussion, Jane's boss had no idea that she was clueless about her behavior and its impact on others. With this new perspective, Jane's boss became more willing to listen to Jane and support her.

Jane's story is not uncommon. Many of us are unaware that our emotional responses may be affecting our work and our relationships. There seems to be a cultural predisposition to disregard emotions and focus on getting the work done, especially in technical roles. What we don't realize is that disregarding emotion is detrimental to effectiveness and productivity.

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